Something that has been running through my mind recently ..... he seeks to blame me for his relationship problems with Vicki, it would appear then that he has forgotten that right back in the beginning, in July 2002 (yes 2002,not 2003) it was SHE who would continually break off their relationship.
I remember him telling me one time that she had said she didn't want to 'break us up'. I now think he probably told her that she wouldn't be, no doubt telling her that there was no 'us' to break up - shame he hadn't told me yet that 'us' didn't exist anymore.
It is HE who has caused their relationship problems, not me. It is HIS inability to not want to talk to me, HIS need/desire to come here and feel what it's like to be 'home', HIS reaching out (**see note below) to me when he is feeling low or things are tough, HIS broken promises to her (unrealistic and unachievable though they be - his fault though, and more fool him, for having promised them instead of talking to her about the problems that her controlling behaviours are caused by) that have caused their relationship problems of more recent times (commencing July 2003).
**Re 'reaching out' - back in July/August he flat out DENIED that wanting to talk to me etc when he was low was in any way 'reaching out' to me .... Vicki and I couldn't see how it could be called anything else. Obviously the two of us were right, as he NOW says "I was very upset and reaching to the only person who has shown me some kindness in the past" - so in other words he WAS reaching out to me back then too! he is soooooo much in denial regarding his own behaviour it's not funny.
Friday, January 30, 2004
Sunday, January 25, 2004
hmmmm so let me see.... me telling her she should seek counselling for a psyciatric problem, that he has said he believes she suffers from, is me 'attacking her' .... but him knowing she suffers from this particular problem, which is having hugely detrimental affects on their relationship, but not saying anything to her about it... hmm doesn't sound like someone who is interested in doing what's necessary to make a relationship work.
Saturday, January 24, 2004
Saturday, January 17, 2004
I guess I should be thankful that he has made a fool of me only a few times. Unlike poor Vicki who has been made a fool sooooooo many times for having believed and trusted him.
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Maybe he made contact because the panic attacks he suffered (told me he had panic attacks basically whenever he wasn't here) were too much.
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He didn't like some of the things I said about her - well tough luck cos it wasn't me just 'spouting off' stuff to be hurtful. In fact some of them are part of an article in today's paper -
http://www.sundaytimes.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,7034,8398927%255E22807,00.html
Link didn't work so I'll put it on my links page.
So you want to try tell me now that I was just 'spouting off'? I'm not like you and your little dominatrix leash-puller, I don't just say stuff off the top of my head to be hurtful. I was telling you the things that are stopping your relationship with her from working so that the two of you might try rectify those things and *maybe* not end up on the rollercoaster again.
But of course you didn't see that - what a surprise - cos you don't like being wrong and you certainly don't like me being right.
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He added my daughter - to whom he refers to in his e-mail of the 24th as his 'adopted daughter' - to his MSN a week or so before he e-mailed me on the 22nd. Perhaps, as he said on the 24th, because he was missing everything and wanted to have some kind of contact.
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Maybe he made contact because the panic attacks he suffered (told me he had panic attacks basically whenever he wasn't here) were too much.
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He didn't like some of the things I said about her - well tough luck cos it wasn't me just 'spouting off' stuff to be hurtful. In fact some of them are part of an article in today's paper -
http://www.sundaytimes.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,7034,8398927%255E22807,00.html
Link didn't work so I'll put it on my links page.
So you want to try tell me now that I was just 'spouting off'? I'm not like you and your little dominatrix leash-puller, I don't just say stuff off the top of my head to be hurtful. I was telling you the things that are stopping your relationship with her from working so that the two of you might try rectify those things and *maybe* not end up on the rollercoaster again.
But of course you didn't see that - what a surprise - cos you don't like being wrong and you certainly don't like me being right.
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He added my daughter - to whom he refers to in his e-mail of the 24th as his 'adopted daughter' - to his MSN a week or so before he e-mailed me on the 22nd. Perhaps, as he said on the 24th, because he was missing everything and wanted to have some kind of contact.
Friday, January 16, 2004
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
"The fact is, being "in-love" is not the same thing as "loving" within the context of a long-term relationship. Over time, attraction and excitement are slowly taken over by the mundane day-to-day chores of life." Sunday Times ****************************
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How many times do I have to hear him say "there's no future with her" and have to sit and watch him go back again and again just for it to end up at exactly the same place again and again.
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How many times do I have to hear him say "there's no future with her" and have to sit and watch him go back again and again just for it to end up at exactly the same place again and again.
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
Monday, January 12, 2004
Ahhhhh, he is sorry that he e-mailed me on Christmas Eve, but he says nothing of the e-mail he sent on the 22nd nor the SMS on the 23rd, which were both totally unnecessary contact initiated by him.
He says he didn't think a 'trivial SMS' would be a problem .... but how could that be (and what about the e-mail from the day before?, he wasn't sending that to his ex), when so many of their fights have been about his relationship with me? He could not have NOT known that it would cause her pain. So he WOULD have known that it was cause her pain and a fight, but he went ahead and did it anyway ...(I still acknowledge though that her 'needs' are over the top and, as he says himself, 'driving him insane')
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He hasn't changed, just like from the beginning he wants his cake and to eat it too.
He says he didn't think a 'trivial SMS' would be a problem .... but how could that be (and what about the e-mail from the day before?, he wasn't sending that to his ex), when so many of their fights have been about his relationship with me? He could not have NOT known that it would cause her pain. So he WOULD have known that it was cause her pain and a fight, but he went ahead and did it anyway ...(I still acknowledge though that her 'needs' are over the top and, as he says himself, 'driving him insane')
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He hasn't changed, just like from the beginning he wants his cake and to eat it too.
Sunday, January 11, 2004
Maybe he 'creates' fights with her to keep the relationship interesting - heaven forbid that it become 'faded and boring'.
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It kinda kills your soul having to make your best friend hate you.
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Oh and of course I should tell him to stop sending me messages; but I tried that back in August/September but it didn't have any effect then, kept on messaging me anyway so why would I think telling him now would make any difference?
And when I reply saying "It's all the same old stuff over again" I don't really consider that encouraging continuation of messages.
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It kinda kills your soul having to make your best friend hate you.
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Oh and of course I should tell him to stop sending me messages; but I tried that back in August/September but it didn't have any effect then, kept on messaging me anyway so why would I think telling him now would make any difference?
And when I reply saying "It's all the same old stuff over again" I don't really consider that encouraging continuation of messages.
Saturday, January 10, 2004
hmmmm maybe if I told her that I didn't want him back as a partner her paranoia would ease .... oh hang on, I already did that, back in September. hmm it must really be *him* she doesn't trust.
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How many times do they need it proven to them that he can't not have *her* in his life, and he can't not have *me* in his life? It's one of the few things that hte last 18 months has proven to be true.
Guess some people are just slow learners (*reeeaall* slow)
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Bumped into someone I hadn't seen in over 18 months the other day - someone who used to call me something better than friend.
It was all rather strange - at first she didn't recognize me; I said Hi as she walked past, she said Hi How are you and kept going, then returned a couple of minutes later yelling "Give me a hug!" (cos she had realised who I was by then).
She started chatting about the puppies in the cage in front of us, then conversation fizzled out (unusual for her) and we went our separate ways. On leaving the shop she was at the door and said "Take care".
The whole thing was quite weird and uncomfortable
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Aaawwwwww how sad, he's taken down his web site dedicated to her
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A friend once posed the question, after breaking up with his fiance, whether 'just love is enough'. The answer, he concluded, is no. There's so much more to a relationship, but some just never work that out .
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Barbie for dinner, air-con on full bore, what's needed now is a bourbon - though it's just not the same when you're drinking it by yourself.
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How many times do they need it proven to them that he can't not have *her* in his life, and he can't not have *me* in his life? It's one of the few things that hte last 18 months has proven to be true.
Guess some people are just slow learners (*reeeaall* slow)
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Bumped into someone I hadn't seen in over 18 months the other day - someone who used to call me something better than friend.
It was all rather strange - at first she didn't recognize me; I said Hi as she walked past, she said Hi How are you and kept going, then returned a couple of minutes later yelling "Give me a hug!" (cos she had realised who I was by then).
She started chatting about the puppies in the cage in front of us, then conversation fizzled out (unusual for her) and we went our separate ways. On leaving the shop she was at the door and said "Take care".
The whole thing was quite weird and uncomfortable
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Aaawwwwww how sad, he's taken down his web site dedicated to her
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A friend once posed the question, after breaking up with his fiance, whether 'just love is enough'. The answer, he concluded, is no. There's so much more to a relationship, but some just never work that out .
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Barbie for dinner, air-con on full bore, what's needed now is a bourbon - though it's just not the same when you're drinking it by yourself.
Friday, January 09, 2004
"She can't continue to see me", "I will stop seeing her" - yeah right, as if... just more of the same bullshit we've heard before.
Those two statements have proven untrue (yet again!) - no doubt the other things said in it will as well.
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Sitting here on a summer's evening with a breeze bringing the scent of the gardenias in through the window is pleasant.
Those two statements have proven untrue (yet again!) - no doubt the other things said in it will as well.
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Sitting here on a summer's evening with a breeze bringing the scent of the gardenias in through the window is pleasant.
Thursday, January 08, 2004
January 8, 2004
Even his rants and 'oh what a low life you are' e-mails are the same old thing over again, same things he said back in September.
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Back in July - when he supposedly 'ended it permanently' with her, it didn't appear to be because of a fight. He said, when asked, it was because he was sitting at her house one day and realised he wasn't doing the things he wanted to do, and wasn't seeing the people he wanted to see. Gee I wonder who was stopping him from doing those things and seeing those people - and no doubt it has not changed.
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Re: Lost Faith
It wasn't the relationship I made the wrong decision about - just that he took too long to work it out.
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He once said to me that even if I removed myself completely from his life that he would still *need* to know how I was. I didn't think that would be true - but maybe it is.
Maybe that's part of why he 'needs' to have contact with me.
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Back in July - when he supposedly 'ended it permanently' with her, it didn't appear to be because of a fight. He said, when asked, it was because he was sitting at her house one day and realised he wasn't doing the things he wanted to do, and wasn't seeing the people he wanted to see. Gee I wonder who was stopping him from doing those things and seeing those people - and no doubt it has not changed.
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Re: Lost Faith
It wasn't the relationship I made the wrong decision about - just that he took too long to work it out.
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He once said to me that even if I removed myself completely from his life that he would still *need* to know how I was. I didn't think that would be true - but maybe it is.
Maybe that's part of why he 'needs' to have contact with me.
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Wednesday, January 07, 2004
Wednesday, January 7, 2004
Title: Empty
What was he talking about when he SMS'd me on the 24th asking if I 'felt empty now too'. I replied I'd felt empty since he left, he replied 'me too - don't understand'.
Sounded like he meant he had felt empty since leaving here as well ...? Another indication of his need?
Maybe he meant he felt empty cos they were fighting again, hmm didn't come across that way, but is no doubt how he would explain it.
I don't really think that's it though, he has told me so many times how unhappy he has been since he left here. Sadly ironic that he left here so that he could be happy but has found that in not being here he is so unhappy.
I wonder whether they both realise that in leaving here, and me, that he was no longer the person she 'fell in love' with. He was grounded, secure, had a future, had his 'rock' for support, was 'carefree'. When he left here he had none of those things and that changes a person.
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Why did he send that message on the 22nd? Was he so desperate to have contact me that he would risk his relationship with her, again, just so he could talk to me?
He *must* have known how she would react. He'd promised her; his need for contact with me must be very strong.
His temper must frighten her terribly - the breaking phones, smashing his prized possession (guitar), I know I was in fear one night when, in his frustration and anger, I thought he was going to break down the bathroom door. Having been physically abused in the past that must be very scarey for her :(
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Title: Lost Faith
... as if I want *anyone* for a partner, let alone him!
Friends tell me that I give 110% to a relationship. This is my dilemna, I know that is how I am but I've also had proven to me that I can't make a good decision as to when that is the *right* thing to do - when a person is worthy of that, when a relationship is worthy of that.
This is why I will never have another partner; I have lost faith in myself. It's not a fate that I like.
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Title: Jotting...
Why does he do it? Because he 'needs' to? Because the level of control is too much (which is true) and he can only take it for so long? Heaven knows he isn't one to take being controlled by anyone.
Maybe subconsciously to cause a fight so that he can 'legitimately' contact me (mind you she hates that he comes to me for support when they fight too, and he knows that as well).
He says it's because it's me he wants to talk to when things get tough. Well, that's fine, except that he promises her that he wont contact me and then does, and then wonders why she gets upset!
Tried so hard to make him hate me so much last time that he wouldn't want to contact me again - because I knew that what she requires of him, but that didn't work either. (He had asked for help in the past, well that was the only way I could help him, not that it was the kind of help he had wanted)
It would seem there is some unfathomable reason why he needs me in his life - to talk to: even in the face of all the horrible things (and they've been bad) that have happened and been said, even in the face of his 'mi amore' requiring he not have contact with me, I am *still* the one he wants/feels the need to talk to:
"Even after all the fighting you and I have done and the horrible things we have said to each other you are still the one I want to turn to when things get tough and I need some support. I have resisted telling you that and calling you for so long now it is becoming unbearable"
Does this mean they had fought in the interim despite the fact that I was no longer around (just as he had suspected would happen)? Maybe it was just about the business that he wanted someone to talk to who understood about it, hmmm no, doesn't really sound like that was it,
How egotistical of him to think that I wanted to be back in a relationship with him!! I can't even fathom why she wants to be in one with him after everything he has done to her. Kinda like being back to being a battered wife but this time it's psychological/emotional/mental instead of physical I guess. You know "Oh but I love him, he wont do it again and he's very sorry".
Yet he will deny that he needs me in his life; go figure!
What was he talking about when he SMS'd me on the 24th asking if I 'felt empty now too'. I replied I'd felt empty since he left, he replied 'me too - don't understand'.
Sounded like he meant he had felt empty since leaving here as well ...? Another indication of his need?
Maybe he meant he felt empty cos they were fighting again, hmm didn't come across that way, but is no doubt how he would explain it.
I don't really think that's it though, he has told me so many times how unhappy he has been since he left here. Sadly ironic that he left here so that he could be happy but has found that in not being here he is so unhappy.
I wonder whether they both realise that in leaving here, and me, that he was no longer the person she 'fell in love' with. He was grounded, secure, had a future, had his 'rock' for support, was 'carefree'. When he left here he had none of those things and that changes a person.
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Why did he send that message on the 22nd? Was he so desperate to have contact me that he would risk his relationship with her, again, just so he could talk to me?
He *must* have known how she would react. He'd promised her; his need for contact with me must be very strong.
His temper must frighten her terribly - the breaking phones, smashing his prized possession (guitar), I know I was in fear one night when, in his frustration and anger, I thought he was going to break down the bathroom door. Having been physically abused in the past that must be very scarey for her :(
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Title: Lost Faith
... as if I want *anyone* for a partner, let alone him!
Friends tell me that I give 110% to a relationship. This is my dilemna, I know that is how I am but I've also had proven to me that I can't make a good decision as to when that is the *right* thing to do - when a person is worthy of that, when a relationship is worthy of that.
This is why I will never have another partner; I have lost faith in myself. It's not a fate that I like.
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Title: Jotting...
Why does he do it? Because he 'needs' to? Because the level of control is too much (which is true) and he can only take it for so long? Heaven knows he isn't one to take being controlled by anyone.
Maybe subconsciously to cause a fight so that he can 'legitimately' contact me (mind you she hates that he comes to me for support when they fight too, and he knows that as well).
He says it's because it's me he wants to talk to when things get tough. Well, that's fine, except that he promises her that he wont contact me and then does, and then wonders why she gets upset!
Tried so hard to make him hate me so much last time that he wouldn't want to contact me again - because I knew that what she requires of him, but that didn't work either. (He had asked for help in the past, well that was the only way I could help him, not that it was the kind of help he had wanted)
It would seem there is some unfathomable reason why he needs me in his life - to talk to: even in the face of all the horrible things (and they've been bad) that have happened and been said, even in the face of his 'mi amore' requiring he not have contact with me, I am *still* the one he wants/feels the need to talk to:
"Even after all the fighting you and I have done and the horrible things we have said to each other you are still the one I want to turn to when things get tough and I need some support. I have resisted telling you that and calling you for so long now it is becoming unbearable"
Does this mean they had fought in the interim despite the fact that I was no longer around (just as he had suspected would happen)? Maybe it was just about the business that he wanted someone to talk to who understood about it, hmmm no, doesn't really sound like that was it,
How egotistical of him to think that I wanted to be back in a relationship with him!! I can't even fathom why she wants to be in one with him after everything he has done to her. Kinda like being back to being a battered wife but this time it's psychological/emotional/mental instead of physical I guess. You know "Oh but I love him, he wont do it again and he's very sorry".
Yet he will deny that he needs me in his life; go figure!
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