Been thinking tonight about whether I was pissed off that he contacted me, or pissed off because of what he contacted me about - and have decided that it is the former (ie what he contacted me about).

If he had asked me to invite him over for a bourbon for a reason other than he was fighting with her yet again I may even have said yes. I don't know whether that would have been a wise decision (probably not), but I'm certain I would have at least considered it.

One of the reasons for this, I think, is that I told him long ago that I wouldn't be his 'fall back position' - ie just for when he was fighting with her... to me you either want to be a persons friend, and that means through good times AND bad (ie not just bad) or it's not a friendship. I guess that's where my thoughts of it having become a 'one-way relationship' come from, although those thoughts are also based on the fact that he wanted me to be his strength (still) but he wouldn't/couldn't do the same for me.

Anyway, it wasn't the fact that he contacted me that pissed me off - it was the fact that it was just the same old shit again and I'd told him before that that was not my problem.

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hmm but what about the email on the 22nd - how did I 'feel' about that.... surprised I'd have to say, and approached it with much caution and trepidation when I saw an e-mail from him in my inbox.

I did not extend friendship in my reply. Why, I ask myself - the only answer I come up with is because I was wary of his intentions/reason for the contact, knowing that it was likely not what he was supposed to be doing, wondering what he was leading to with it.... From his later e-mail he was leading to needing/wanting to be able to lean on me in tough times.. which would lead back to the one sided relationship again.

Was I too hard in my reply (kept it very impersonal) I wonder? Hmmm considering the past events etc I don't think I could be blamed at all for being cautious and wary (in fact he said so himself in ICQ's on the night of the 24th), so no, I don't think my reply was out of order - it wasn't nasty, just impersonal.

Then the second e-mail on the 23rd (which I think might still have been before their fight) .... very surprised that he wanted to get together, but then he backed off and made it only about the kids getting together. I think I felt disappointed about that, not sure... needs more grey matter applied.