Blah

I do wish this stress rash on my eyelid/brow would go away instead of getting worse - it's flaking badly, swollen and bleeds slightly. Thankfully most people don't notice it most of the time, but at the moment the skin is flaking off it so badly the inside of my glasses are constantly filled with 'dandruff' and I have to visit the ladies twice a day to remove large flakes.

The one on my elbow has been flaring as well, but the cream has started to bring it back under control, and it's not visible as I wear jumpers all the time at the moment.

When oh when will these reminders that I carry around with me go?

Blah About Major Change He Caused

Been feeling particularly blah about not being in control of the hours in my weekdays lately. The tasks are ok, the people are ok, but I am no longer in control of my own time.

Not being able to 'be there' for the kids .. am starting to feel keenly that there will soon come a time when they are not around/not wanting or needing me as they do now, so I really should be making the most of it... but of course I can't cos of the J.O.B.

Also rather frustrated at wanting to have repairs done to the house, but can't be here to have quotes or work done, so it's just not happening

Can't ever get to HBF to get back money, so have to do it the slowest way - paper and snail mail.

Can't do what I need, let alone want, to BLAH unlike him who does exactly as he pleases when he pleases for the majority of the time!@&^#%#&$(*@#&%(*@#&%(*&@#($&#(@*$&(!@&$ fucking bastard for forcing these changes on me ... oh but of course he didn't *mean* to, didn't *intend* to, didn't *want* to .... but did all the same.

Oh but you can go on the pension and stay home he would say ... yeah except for all the extra debt I'm carrying cos of him, and I'd only get half anyway, and not for James as he has turned 16. Well sell your house then, he would say .... and lose my major source of security? No doubt he'd love to see me have to leave my home ... he'd think that appropriate punishment I'm sure, has said in the past that he hoped I lose my house. (ROFL and this is the person who asks out of the blue for me to meet him, you've *got* to be kidding, right? Oh, I forgot, this is him I'm talking about, how silly of me to, I know he has no idea of appropriate behaviour/how to manage *any* kind of interaction with people - what was I thinking).

To hell with life, I think I'll go drown in the bourbon - it is Friday night afterall (always was bourbon night)