An Old Web Site

By now they're probably back together again, off on the upward climb, wondering when the next stomach-sickening plummet will occur.

Still thinking about the meeting, and think I'm glad I didn't go - if he were to go on (yet again) about how much he misses his home, the kids, the Friday night bourbons, that deep down he is unhappy and she sees/senses this, that he's tried to have a good time but it's just not the same (like he did at Christmas, and the time before and the time before....ad infinitum).. I just don't know how I would have reacted. Would I have slipped back into the caring and oh so understanding person that I fear is still there inside of me, that I don't dare let out again? Makes me feel bad - seeing familiar things and being the only place he said he ever felt really comfortable no doubt would have eased him some.

Maybe I would have laughed in his face, to hear all the same old lines again? Maybe I would have told him to 'fuck off' like I should have at Christmas? I really don't know, the first one is the one I fear the most, because it would have meant I was back on the rollercoaster again too ... and I *know* that's a really bad thing.

What is this attachment? If he 'couldn't care less' about me I don't think he would have asked to meet, and if I 'couldn't care less' about him then why am I still turning over in my head whether I should have met with him? I don't know (despairing sigh), maybe he still needs to know how I am, like he said he would.