Just isn't working ...

Well I *tried* to have a bourbon o'clock last night, but it's just not the same anymore :( Had even bought myself a bottle of my (used-to-be) favourite wine; didn't even open it.


I think it was a wise idea to remove the google ads from his web page - didn't make sense to be showing ads for your competitors, not to me anyway.

Also think the affiliate stuff 'dumbed down' the site too - didn't fit with the 'professional' image he is always trying to create (not that he is terribly professional, but loves giving the impression of it). Wise decisions both I believe.

Feeling very 'blah' today, lonely for a particular someone, maybe cos it was too cold to work outside and so had too much thinking time on my hands/mind. Also maybe cos I noticed that he (or she) had been back looking at my blog again - 12 visits so my stats tell me.

I wonder what they make of it?

Weight..

Finally I need not worry about my weight anymore, took me 9 months to put on 4kg, and now, nearly a year later I have managed to gain about another 5kg ..sheeesh 20 months to gain what was lost in 5 months. It's a long hard recovery road - in more ways than one.

Am I still depressed?
I should be 'over the moon' - have had a spending spree, positive review at work, and no longer look anorexic, but I'm not; I guess that's what deeply based depression does - depresses your emotions.

I'm back in 'hermit'/recluse mode - have been for quite a long time now; I just don't feel up to socialising or making myself go out. I look at self help books on depression in the bookshops and don't buy them, cos I already know what it is I need to do - I just can't make myself do them; guess that's just even more proof to myself that I am still in depression, still paralyzed, still stuck. Not as bad as before I don't think, cos it's not like the deep dark pit that it used to feel like, but I guess just admitting to myself that I am still in depression is half the battle (ala alcoholics etc).