Abraham Maslow biography - Hierarchy of Needs

Abraham Maslow biography - Hierarchy of Needs

Navel Gazing Continued...
The navel gazing never ends, the self-analysis, wondering where I went wrong, what I did wrong, and why my behaviour is what it is - why I am so insular, why I don't enjoy anything, why I can't 'get lost' in some hobby or activity or other.

And tonight whilst thinking of this I was reminded of something from my dim (and not so dark) past in Human Resources and units on Psychology and Management I've done ... it was Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs (I had to look it up - link above to his and others such as Herzbergs Hygiene Factors and Motivation). We used to talk about this in Intro to Supervision courses that I conducted (in a former life).

It doesn't explain where I went wrong or what I did wrong (*if* anything), but I think it may go some way to helping explain my continuing behaviour.

The Heirarchy of Needs is a pyramid (click on the link for a look-see) with the most basic needs at the bottom. As each need is taken care of, the theory goes, we are then able/free to concern ourselves with 'higher level' needs.

You will see that 'Belonging - Love' is smack bang in the middle. Gee, guess what need I lost when told I wasn't wanted as an intimate partner anymore ... so we move down the pyramid a level. What's next - "Safety - security, stability, freedom from fear", gee, guess what I experienced when told I wasn't wanted anymore and felt that this threatened the business (we were business partners as well as life - rofl! - partners). Yep, my security and stability were threatened (and eventually entirely destroyed) and I was scared.

Hmm ok, so I didn't have that level of need met anymore, what's on the next level down? This is the base level, the *most basic needs* that drive people to do the things they do (again, according to the theory) "Physiological - food, water, shelter, warmth". And gee, guess what, those things were being threatened and removed as well. I suddenly had no income, which meant I was possibly in the situation of not being able to provide food, water, shelter (ie pay the mortgage) and warmth for my family and me (though I wasn't so worried about the me part of it). And he was saying things like 'I hope you lose your house", which just emphasised to me even more that it was a possibility (ie no shelter). So, metaphorically and literally speaking, I had hit rock bottom. (Yeah, I *did* know that and it was pretty evident to all around me, and was very evident by my brush with suicide - I guess it's kind of comforting though to see it on paper, so objective)

I sit here and look at Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs and can see in front of my face the reason why I have not yet 'moved on'/'got on with my life'. Almost every month it is touch and go with the bills as to whether I can pay them, and he still has some level of control over that. I don't live an extravagant life - don't go to the movies other than on freebie tickets I get, and that's mostly for the kids during the holidays, have the same bottle of bourbon I bought on special last Christmas, I go to the hairdresser every six months instead of every six weeks, and that's only because I go to work. We've been to the video shop about three times this year, I use one tank of fuel per fortnight, I don't go out. I would say the only 'luxouries' I have is that I do still smoke, and I do spend money on the garden.

OK, so I have a job and that has moved me further towards meeting those most basic of needs, but hasn't gotten me all the way there. Let's see what progress is being made at level two.

Level two - safety, stability, security, freedom from fear. I don't feel my job is secure - it's private enterprise, and a small business, and today's economic climate who knows what will happen, added to the fact that business hasn't been great lately and the boss has been panicking about that. So security is not really there; strike one. Safety (personal safety) has been a problem, and whilst the physical security of the house has been improved I still feel vulnerable as a woman who is often alone; stirke two. Stability - there is some level of stability in my life, however it is highly impacted on, and influenced by, the security issue; so strike three. Freedom from fear, I think the others kind of add up to this one, it's not as lacking as it was, but still most definately present (ie fear is still present); strike four.

I wont even bother with level three, other than to say that I do have some sense of belonging thanks to family and friends.

So what does this tell me? It tells me that I am driven by meeting these basic needs. Self Esteem - achievement, respect, mastery and Self Actualization - creativity, personal fulfillment; they are the next two levels, and these are the things that seem to be what people are talking about when they talk about 'getting on with your life' - to me anyway. The things that indicate to people that you are getting on wtih life would seem to mostly come from those top two levels of needs. Whilst my most basic needs are not being met there is no way that I can contemplate working on meeting those higher level needs.

There you go - my behaviour is perfectly reasonable, explainable and justified. I guess that makes me feel slightly better about my behaviour/how I 'am', but it doesn't make me feel any better about the fact that I am still this way 22 months after he left me as a life partner, and 13 months after I was forced out of being his business partner :(

I guess what I need to work on is how to move closer to having those basic needs met, easier said than done though.