Groan

Back to not sleeping and smoking 40 a day :(, I think it would be more if it weren't for work.

He said/asked, on Sunday, what had happened to me, why am I like this; that it couldn't just be because of him. My answer and reply was/is that 'he' is what changed in my life, so what else could it have been? It certainly isn't a path I was already heading down.

Why is it that when they fight it is *me* they, both of them!, come to??? From what they ask and what they say it would seem to be because they think *I* am the cause of their problems. Thinking about that on Monday I thought that the only way they would be happy together is if I were dead; sorry but I'm not going to do that.

But of course the cause of the problems is as they both said to me, is the trust issue, still, after 2.5 years of trying. Everything else .. the fact of being of my web site, whether I would have him back, that he feels badly that he hurt me so dreadfully, that he misses our conversations and the kids... all of these things would not matter one iota if they were safe and secure in their relationship together. From both their mouths this is certainly not the case.