QaF

Yet again, something in QaF that makes me think about all this stuff...

Ted and Emmett's 'interminable feud'. Emmett is not meant to forgive Ted for the pain he suffered at Ted's hands, he is just meant to acknowledge it. Then Ted has to forgive himself.

Have I acknowledged the pain and damage I suffered? I think I have, I'm certainly very aware of it. Has he forgiven himself? I don't know, perhaps not.

Why have I turned him away when he has wanted to be friends? Because I believe I am only putting myself up again for being used; that is how it felt the other times when I extended the hand of friendship that he sought, and he can never say why it will be different 'this' time.



On a totally different note, he says, in his vitriolic e-mail, "Only when things are at their very worst to(sic) people show who they really are and what they really are. You have shown so clearly that you are a hateful, spiteful and vengeful person your true colours are revealed but the only one who sees them is me to everyone else you appear to be the innocent the “hard done by” only you and I know the truth." (umm, it was him who didn't want to be my partner anymore, I think that makes me the innocent party.)

Isn't he doing exactly what he talks about? Things are at the very worst for him (from his point of view), and what does he do? He sends hateful, spiteful, vengeful messages and voicemails. So what does that say about him? What are his own true colours that he shows?

I've often thought that maybe he thinks I'm hateful and vengeful because that's the way he is and that is the way he would react, and therefore believes that's how I am/my motivation for doing things (like write the blog). Hasn't he just shown (and not for the first time) how hateful, spiteful and vengeful he can be?