This Anniversary

My predominant thought on this anniversary was 'what have I achieved in the last 12 months?'.

This thought in itself is probably the greatest achievement. I did not realise this until I had related my achievements to my ex-husband (I am alive, my children are alive, I have survived another year of being the parent of teenagers without going stark raving mad, my finances are in slightly better shape than a year ago, I have had *some* of the work done on the house), who joined us for dinner tonight (which was catered by my very able children).

My greatest achievement is that none of my thoughts about this anniversary was "it's one more year closer to the day that I die". That was my predominant thought on this anniversary last year, and probably the year before that.

It doesn't mean that I look forward to life necessarily, but it means to me that I'm not just waiting around waiting to die anymore. To me that is a big improvement. Maybe those thoughts will re-surface, I'm just content that they're not here right now.