Queer as Folk - Separation

Mel and Lindsays separation scene tonight wasn't like our last one at all, it did bring it to mind though.

I was frightened of him the first night of that fight. terrified that he would come home in that violent anger/lashing out I had seen before, but that this time he would do harm to someone (me) or something (he'd broken two phones and his very beloved guitar in rages previously - not caused by me - as well as the bathroom door incident). I locked the doors so he wouldn't be able to get in, but later unlocked them again, thinking that it would just aggravate him even more and perhaps result in an even worse reaction. And he had possessions here, I didn't feel I had a right to bar him access (and the TV weighed almost as much as me, if not more, and was upstairs, so ditching it outside wasn't an option).

It was the first time I'd ever been frightened that he would do physical harm to me. (The night he bashed on the bathroom door was different - I hadn't seen it coming and it just made me angry)

He stayed at a hotel (or at least, not here) for two (maybe three?) nights. During that time came here unnanounced, didn't say a word to me, collected a few 'essentials' and left again. I e-mailed or messaged him and said he was not to come to the house in that manner again.

Then, when he came here, a couple of days later, mainly for business purposes, he aked me what we were going to do. After some pre-amble about inconsiderate behaviours I said I didn't believe he should live here anymore. He has never slept (in a bed) here again.

There were no tears, no sadness. Following on from the prior few days that's not surprising. I think I was still angry at him for his behaviour during that time (I'd moved from frightened to angry by that time).

But the tears flowed eventually, as I knew they would, and for longer than I ever thought possible.