Those Two Visits with Her, with Hindsight

Further down the track (than the posts from the original computer journal), I would often think back to those two times that the three of us were together.

There were so many signs that things weren't right. I had that prickly sensation at the time, but wasn't really listening to my gut then.

The night she came to my place she sat on one sofa, I sat on the other sofa and he sat on a cushion on the floor, not near to either of us. That was pretty unusual, he would normally have sat with me.

Obviously (I realised later) he didn't want her to see that we were actually a couple.

It was more apparent to me on the second occassion, when we went to her house. Again, she and I sat on sofas and he sat on the floor, not next to either of us. I thought it was rather curious, again it would have been usual for him to sit with me.

Again, obvious to me later, he didn't want her to see us as a couple or 'together' in that sense.

They went off together into her computer room for about 30 - 45 minutes and there was laughing and giggling. I didn't feel very comfortable about that - left alone in someone's house I didn't really know, just sitting there (didn't even know where the computer room was to go find them. I guess I could have just followed the voices, but didn't feel it appropriate to just go wandering around in someone else's house, it's just not something I do.)

When I think back (it's all still so ever present in my memory) and look back at the journal I see so many opportunities to have 'nipped it in the bud' (not necessarily meaning ending it between her and him)/done things differently that would have resulted in an altogether different result, and berate myself for not having done so.

But I know I'm being overly critical of myself in feeling that, because he was telling me it was ok, he still liked me (emailed me on the 19th July 02 'In Case You Forget, I like you Noala Jean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - we never said 'I love you' for reasons previously posted), said he wasn't leaving me. The behaviour at the visits I passed off as it seemed (by virtue of the fact that we were seeing her 'together', of sorts) that this was indeed going to move along the way the previous relationship had (which had only ended in May of that year .. ie only weeks before he started acting suspiciously with this new person).