In (yet another) navel gazing episode the other night I came to thinking why I have been so damaged, why I no longer wanted to live, all as the result of the actions of another person.
I concluded that it was because he was 'my everything' (to borrow from so many songs). And when my everything was taken away I had nothing (not literally true - but is how it felt). No reason to do anything, no future, no plans, no reason to live.
This lead me to thinking that if we are to survive relationship break downs more successfully, then we mustn't allow someone to become our everything.
But then, if your partner isn't your everything, are you really in the relationship, is it a relationship worth having?
I guess it might work if you're not planning on the relationship lasting very long.
Allowing someone to be your everything means you are left with nothing when they go (which statistically is very likely to happen); but to not allow someone to become your everything is to not participate fully in a relationship.
Hmmm yep, looks like I'm still destined for singledom.
Singledom
There are good and bad things about being single, sometimes I think about the good things (not having to compromise - and not have the courtesy returned - is the biggest), but mostly it's the bad things that beat me to a pulp - not having someone to be intimate with i.e. not having someone who knows me intimately, no-one to snuggle with, no-one to watch movies with, no-one to laugh with, no-one to do 'the foot thing' in bed with, no-one to share anything/everything with, and always having to make my own bloody coffee!
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I'm not sure if they have the book "He's Just Not That Into You" there. I found that in reading that, one gains insight into men and when they really are giving you their everything. Snuggling, laughing, being with.. and having coffee with is so nice with the one. It's just taking the risk to suck it up and get out there again to find the one. I guess it's figuring out how to find the one. I swear if you could get your hands on that book you'd be amazed. It's on the best sellers list here. Take a peek at it on Amazon. It's right on the money. They should have a class on this in college!!!!!! I love reading your blog.
Hi thoughtsgalore:
Yep I know of the book. But you see he was 'that into me', and for a long time ... so even with that kind of information available (as is in that book) we still end up having someone as our everything and then later they leave.
I know, it's all about love being a risk that you take, because in opening yourself up to (proper/full) love you also open yourself up to be hurt. That's a risk I'm simply not prepared to take again - once bitten twice shy. I don't want to visit the pit of despair and feeling like there's no point living again. But I don't know how to 'be' in a relationship other than to give it my all.
So it's lonely singledom for me, even though there are times I miss having a special someone soo much.
You listed most of the "biggies" when it comes to being single, as I've experienced so far.
I was missing having someone around tonight, and it (believe it or not) had nothing to do with anything physical, well mostly.
Commented as below, then realised I wanted to add something but couldn't edit the comment, so deleted it ..
Another reason why the book isn't particularly useful - we did not have a 'normal' relationship.
And as I said before - they may be 'that into you' at the beginning; the problem is that when they lose interest they've become your everything.
Fej (I just realised today the derivation of your nick!): Yeah, none of those things I mentioned were about sex - the 'foot thing' in bed is exactly that, having someone's leg/foot touching yours in the bed.
I don't miss sex anymore - not physically, even though we were pretty damn good at it together and rather adventurous with it. I missed it dreadfully at the start.
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