Weight
I seem to have gained weight recently; I haven't gotten on the scales but in the shower there is more of me in places, and my jeans are getting tighter-fitting.

I put this down to my go-slow on smoking - not that I've been pigging out, but my metabolic rate will have slowed (smoking speeds it up) and I haven't been any more active than usual (ie no exercise at all, other than a few hours in the garden each weekend).

I'm not complaining (yet!), more weight is something I could do with; I may even think about wearing a bra again.

I'm spotting too - no idea what's up with that (sorry if it's TMI, need to record it though).

Visiting an Old Haunt
Partly due to the weight gain and partly just cos I've been thinking of doing it recently, I went for a bike ride this morning. Prepped the bike yesterday as it's an eon since I've ridden it (well maybe not an eon, but more than two years).

I rode to the park, the one where I used to go to cry (so that he wouldn't have to hear or see me crying), the one where we used to go together, with the kids.

I didn't stay long, I couldn't stay long. Maybe I'll try another day.

I like the idea of going for a ride in the morning, but I don't like the idea of getting up half an hour earlier to do it; am too tired when I get home from work to do it then, and there's more traffic around then too.

Memories
The bike brought back memories (of course, almost everything does) - him getting all 'gung ho' about biking and bike gear when he'd lost his licence and was riding to her place. The fight we had in Target about the most expensive tooll kit on the shelf for the bike - me knowing he would only be gung ho about the bike for the few weeks it took to get his extraordinary licence.

Fat lot of good the tool kit did him, when the bike broke it was something that had to be done in the shop/a replacement part required. And of course as soon as he had his extraordinary licence he stopped riding the bike to her place.

I remember being worried that he might have an accident (bikes always come off second best to a car), especially if he was overdue. Most the time he would SMS me to let me know he had arrived safely. That time he wasn't in the bed with me when I woke in the morning I was so scared he had had an accident (he hadn't said he was going to be all night, just that it would be late), was laying broken and hurt somewhere, or in a hospital.

Smoking
I need to go back to patches, am doing hopelessly with the lozenges on the weekend/at night. The only thing that saves me during the day is that I don't take cigarettes to work anymore.