Not writing much at the moment; lawyers are writing letters to each other. They are the only ones who will end up with money in their pockets; we both know this but still he persists.
Is he just 'being a bastard' (again) to try get in her good books yet again? It seems to be the main motivation. Again with saying one thing, then shortly after saying something rather different; I fail to be surprised anymore.
Again failing to give even the most basic common courtesy (a reply) when offered something he knows was difficult (emotionally and financially) for me to offer.
Same ol' same ol'.
No, he hasn't changed; appears to have learned little; still wants his cake and to eat it too.
But enough of that ...
It's been too bloody cold to garden :(, my whipper snipper is dieing anyway and the blower/vac (which I really need cos the big tree is doing it's "let's get naked" thing) has a faulty switch and I can't hold it AND keep pressing the bejeezus out of the switch at the same time. Looks like a trip to Bunnings might have to be made (I've been studiously avoiding going there cos I know I'll buy more than I should, besides, the lawyers need to make their car payments).
It's going to be EEEEEKKKK 2 degrees tonight, hopefully NOT around the time I drag myself out of bed at some gawdawful dark-time and have to go to the outside laundry to iron work clothes (yes I've been a bit slothful, having fought off the ghoulies that tried to get into my chest over the weekend).
But, I have to tell you about the bestest friend in the world that I have ... thanks to whom I have a new computer!!!! It's wonderful, no longer do I make coffee whilst waiting for things to load :) And my daughter is very happy with my old cast-off.
You know who you are - and I know I've said it already, but thankyou thankyou thankyou :)
Monday, June 20, 2005
Monday, June 06, 2005
Stunned
A couple of the things he said really stunned me; one in particular.
He had still very much wanted to come and see me, to talk to me. That wasn't the surprising bit.
He hadn't come because he couldn't trust me to not write about it in my blog (and therefore she would find out about it and there would be 'trouble'). That wasn't he surprising bit either.
The part that really stunned me was his comment that couples he knows, in 'normal' relationships (ie unlike his and mine), have secrets from each other and seem perfectly happy. He thought, therefore, that he should be able to come and see me, without her knowing - to have that as a secret he kept from her, and that that should be ok.
That just really floored me. That he would think that it would be OK to keep that particular secret from her, when that happens to be (maybe only one of) her biggest issue? That's not a secret, that's a relationship-breaker.
I think I wrote before too, that to me that shows total disregard for her feelings/fears/etc. He knows how big an issue that is for her. And it comes back to trust. There he would be trying to build up that trust with her, but all the time coming to see me behind her back?
No, I don't think it's an 'appropriate' kind of secret to keep.
He had still very much wanted to come and see me, to talk to me. That wasn't the surprising bit.
He hadn't come because he couldn't trust me to not write about it in my blog (and therefore she would find out about it and there would be 'trouble'). That wasn't he surprising bit either.
The part that really stunned me was his comment that couples he knows, in 'normal' relationships (ie unlike his and mine), have secrets from each other and seem perfectly happy. He thought, therefore, that he should be able to come and see me, without her knowing - to have that as a secret he kept from her, and that that should be ok.
That just really floored me. That he would think that it would be OK to keep that particular secret from her, when that happens to be (maybe only one of) her biggest issue? That's not a secret, that's a relationship-breaker.
I think I wrote before too, that to me that shows total disregard for her feelings/fears/etc. He knows how big an issue that is for her. And it comes back to trust. There he would be trying to build up that trust with her, but all the time coming to see me behind her back?
No, I don't think it's an 'appropriate' kind of secret to keep.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Sigh
Jumpy
Back to being 'jumpy' again - constantly checking the driveway cos of a noise that could be a car pulling up. I don't like being like this.
Round and Round and Round We Go ...
It is feeling very much like the big rollercoaster all over again. Him saying he is repentant, pulling at my heart strings, apologising for poor behaviour.
That little voice in the back of my brain is telling me that it's just the same thing over again; that when he is back with her again (which will surely happen) those thoughts will be so much dust in the wind.
I thought I'd handed back my ticket for this ride :(
Why can't he do what he kept telling me to do and just get on with his life?
Damn Perceptiveness...
It's so hard to see the things I predicted to have come into being; there's certainly no 'joy' in that. He seems to have learned very little - about people, and money.
Wary Wary
Am I simply being taken advantage of once again? It feels like that is the way it will go; it's the way it's gone so many times before. That 'kind' gene inside of me is too strong though, I can't kick a man when he's down, even one who has caused me so much grief.
Back to being 'jumpy' again - constantly checking the driveway cos of a noise that could be a car pulling up. I don't like being like this.
Round and Round and Round We Go ...
It is feeling very much like the big rollercoaster all over again. Him saying he is repentant, pulling at my heart strings, apologising for poor behaviour.
That little voice in the back of my brain is telling me that it's just the same thing over again; that when he is back with her again (which will surely happen) those thoughts will be so much dust in the wind.
I thought I'd handed back my ticket for this ride :(
Why can't he do what he kept telling me to do and just get on with his life?
Damn Perceptiveness...
It's so hard to see the things I predicted to have come into being; there's certainly no 'joy' in that. He seems to have learned very little - about people, and money.
Wary Wary
Am I simply being taken advantage of once again? It feels like that is the way it will go; it's the way it's gone so many times before. That 'kind' gene inside of me is too strong though, I can't kick a man when he's down, even one who has caused me so much grief.
One Thing To Stop Wondering About..
I had often wondered whether he did "drive by's"; drive past/round the house, wanting to come in.
I don't have to wonder any more.
I don't have to wonder any more.
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