Stunned

A couple of the things he said really stunned me; one in particular.

He had still very much wanted to come and see me, to talk to me. That wasn't the surprising bit.

He hadn't come because he couldn't trust me to not write about it in my blog (and therefore she would find out about it and there would be 'trouble'). That wasn't he surprising bit either.

The part that really stunned me was his comment that couples he knows, in 'normal' relationships (ie unlike his and mine), have secrets from each other and seem perfectly happy. He thought, therefore, that he should be able to come and see me, without her knowing - to have that as a secret he kept from her, and that that should be ok.

That just really floored me. That he would think that it would be OK to keep that particular secret from her, when that happens to be (maybe only one of) her biggest issue? That's not a secret, that's a relationship-breaker.

I think I wrote before too, that to me that shows total disregard for her feelings/fears/etc. He knows how big an issue that is for her. And it comes back to trust. There he would be trying to build up that trust with her, but all the time coming to see me behind her back?

No, I don't think it's an 'appropriate' kind of secret to keep.