Stressed Body

Your body wont let you hide the fact that you're stressed; even if you don't feel stressed/are good at 'hiding/dampening/repressing' it, it will come up somewhere.

The rash on my eyelid has worsened over the last few weeks. When it first appeared ..hmm.. over two years ago ... it was just a slightly red itchy patch, now almost half my eyelid is red and swollen, the skin itchy and dry. It used to be barely noticeable, but not now; even my 17 year old son noticed it the other day .... do you know how often/closely 17 year old boys look closely enough at their mum to notice that kind of thing? Not often.

The inside of my glasses is constantly covered with eyelid dandruff.

The steroid ointment I use for my similar-but-worse elbow patch can't be used on my eyelid (something about how thin and sensitive eye-skin is). Will definitely have to ask the doc what I can do about this when I see her next. Previously she has suggested just using moisturizer, but it's doing nothing - in fact I think it's possible that it has helped spread it further across the skin. It's not an allergy to eye makeup cos I only wear mascara and the patch started higher up away from the lashes.

The elbow patch has been flaring again; the elbow patch is one of the few reasons I'm not looking forward to warmer weather when I'll be wanting to wear things that don't cover my entire arm. At least I can use the steroid ointment on that and get it under 'control' so it doesn't look so unsightly. Can only use it for two weeks at a time though.

I don't like to think that I'll be with these marks for the rest of my life - reminders of what has been, scars to remind me to not make the same mistake again - but sometimes it feels that way. I know, I have 'nothing' to complain about, they are so mild compared to what other people have. I guess it's just the knowing how you used to be, that these things didn't used to be there.

On the plus side I'm not over-smoking (as I call it) and I'm not losing weight, but I'd like to put a bit more on before summer comes so that I'll have a chance of buying a decent skirt. I weigh just enough more so that last seasons are tight, but not enough yet to fit into the next size without using a safety pin (like I have to at the moment in my size 10 trousers).

Oh well, that's my 'moan moan and carry on' for now.

The Waiting Game ..

How I dislike playing the waiting game .... the ball is back in the other players court and now we have to wait and see.

The Book Reading..
hasn't progressed very far, think I've read two chapters. Not because it's boring or anything, I just lost the impetus to read. Mum was relieved to hear about my non-reading, cos she had been similarly affected at one time and was pleased to hear she isn't the only one.

Project..
As mum was going to the ship late on Saturday I asked her to go shopping for dress patterns with me. Bought a pattern and some material. Wandering around another shop later found some great trimmings. Methinks we might make a start next Friday. Don't know if I really feel like sewing, but I want to have a go at making one of those type dresses.

Socialising, well kind of..
Dinner at a friends place on Saturday night, safe company, no strangers.

Maybe..

I should stay up later, you see I've been waking up at about 5am gak!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mind you I'm not insane - I do roll over and go back to sleep.

Perhaps my body is missing getting up in dark-time?

I hope it rains tonight - the new vege patch could do with some wet stuff.

Thought it was Thursday today .. left work thinking I might even venture to the shops tonight, then remembered it's only Wednesday - just as well I 'spose cos if it was Thursday I would have missed putting out the bin for the second week running. Why does that happen - is it because one day is so like the next that we can't remember? - that's supposedly why old people can't remember what they did yesterday, cos it was so like today and the day before that there is nothing to distinguish it.

Maybe that's why some people fill up their lives with a different thing to do each day (eg classes, volunteer (sp?) work, card nights etc ... so they can remember what day it is! I'd rather just have a calendar on the wall thanks.

Night.

(yeah, I'm in a weird way tonight, maybe it's the lack of someone to talk to .. hmmm no, I'm sure I could find someone online to talk to if I wanted, and I know there are those I can ring if I really need to .... just... in a weird way/mood I guess)

I Didn't Know...

.. apparently a Violence Restraining Order does not have to be served in person - it can be done over the phone!

That's my piece of trivia for the day/week/month/year.

..and in other news...
I had an unexpected phone call the other night (though the more I think about it the less surprised I really should have been). I was surprised at the tenor of his voice ... sounded uncomfortable, uneasy,maybe nervous even?



... and in other non-news...
I could ramble on about how I've been thinking of going for a walk of bike ride the last few nights I've come home, but haven't, or how I've been enjoying relishing eating fish recently .. but I wont bore you with that hum-drum .... so I'd best be off.

Ahhh Spring is in the Air..

Absolutely beautiful day here today, definately a taste of spring.

I've had a wonderfully energetic day in the garden as a result. I do like getting my hands filthy out in the dirt.... and at least at this time of year, with the soil (rofl!) holding together cos it's damp, better than digging when it's dry like a desert. As a result of my day I expect to be sore tomorrow. I really should start doing some kind of exercise, or just flexibility stuff methinks.... when I've been sitting on the lawn weeding out the bindii I'm like an 80 year old when I get up!

Mum's meeting with lawyer last week seems to have gone ok. I need to call mine following letter received late last week.

Thunderbolts cold has receeded and he seems to have enjoyed the camp.

They cooked sweet & sour pork for dinner Saturday night and did a good job of it. Even got the rice and the meal cooked to be ready within minutes of each other (following early advice from the kitchen overseer, mind you).

Big news
I have been feeling like reading AND I bought a book!
Probably doesn't sound like big news to you, but it is to me. I used to read a reasonable amount, but have not read a book in three years.

This week I really felt like reading a book.

Looked through my bookcase but not a lot took my fancy - just about all of them have particular attachments I'd prefer not to visit. Plus I'm not really one to re-read books (I keep them just because I like them, not because I intend to read them again). Orson Scott-Card almost tempted me, but it's about the third book in a series so I passed on that. Almost picked on Tarot by Piers Anthony, but thought it might be a bit too deep, cause a bit more introspection than I want to do right now. Something light is what I was after. .... eventually after going back and forth through the shelves a few times I picked on Dune, though that book in particular has a great attachment to the one causing me trouble.

I read about a dozen pages before falling asleep. That was on Thursday, I haven't read any more of it, and haven't felt like picking it up again.

Today at the markets there was a new second-hand bookstore and they had Enders Game - the first book in the Orson Scott-Card series; I bought it. But later today had an even better thought!

I asked Thunderbolt if I could borrow his recently purchased Harry Potter.

I haven't started it yet but I think it will be perfect. No attachments, not heavy (though it is a hardback!), and I've read the other books - should be just right I think.

A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That

Caught up with some old friends on the weekend, was good to see them again.

Wished some good friends happy birthday and happy housewarming :)

Talked through some things with Mum; back to being a 'wait and see' matter. Our approaches are different - she reacts emotionally, I react 'logically'; this is something Mum pointed out, and it surprised me. Guess it shouldn't be a surprise considering my MBTI type; I'm more T than F, but then maybe it's just because I'm not as emotionally 'involved' with the person/people concerned.

A suprise visitor to the website/blog - hello! :)

A review at work - brought forward by the boss. One staff member leaving, a new one already in the pipeline.

A sick Thunderbolt, and Geography camp starts tomorrow night :(

A letter to a lawyer, a letter from a lawyer.

Tonight I've been feeling as though there are so many things going on at the moment; how can that be when I lead such a 'simple' life?

Considering the forecast there has been way too little thunder and lightening, grrrrr.

Time for bed.

And So The Battle Begins ...

The line is drawn, the family split into even smaller fragments than before. A long and painful road awaits my mum.

She feels very weak at the moment; that she no longer has the 'balls' that her boss once told her that she had.

I know different.

I know how it is to feel weak so I can empathize with her. And, like others knew of me, I know that she is/can be strong again.

On the phone tonight I relayed to her what had been said to me - "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". She had never heard it before (which suprised me) and I think it helped. I also pointed out something about the will that she hadn't realised, and that made her feel better too.

Last week she seemed to be searching for an excuse (other than that which was stated) as to why the particular family member reacted in the way they did; thinking that there had to be another reason why the person was so upset. Perhaps there is, but perhaps there isn't. My own history with this person is not good, but that doesn't mean I think uncharitable thoughts of them. If there is another reason it will at least be satisying for mum - if it comes out through this process, and I see no guarantee of that.


And so once more a road upon which I'd prefer not to tread is revealed. A road I am forced to travel, though not as a protagonist this time but more as a passenger - just as well, my own path is more than rough enough as it is.

Many Happies ...

...is how I wish someone Happy Birthday. It was Many Happies for Mistyqee on Friday as it was her 16th birthday.

She had a great day .. started off with opening presents from her dad, her uncle (who lives in SA) and me, and a bonus gift of $$ from her brother. Then her friends at school wore party hats at recess and bought her a birthday muffin - with candle and all, and of course gave her gifts.

The usual family dinner was planned for that night and I'd asked her to bring some swanky sandals from her dads' place, but she couldn't work out why as they don't really go with the clothes she would normally wear ... but they certainly go with this!:

(apologies to the persons from whose e-bay store I nicked the pic, couldn't find any other one)

- which is what I gave her when I got home from work - although in black. It's just gorgeous - velvet body, lace bodice panel, lace ups the sides of the bodice and bell sleeves (I think that's what they're called). It's just stunning, and she looked stunning in it. We had to tie up the sleeves (no doubt that's why they have the handy-dandy tie up there) when it came time to eat.

The grin on her face matched that when we bought her ball dress. She loves it :) No idea when else she might wear it but just owning this type of dress is enough (I have two similar-ish style ones, and a top, myself).

Dinner was good - we have had to find somewhere else to have birthday dinners as our favourite local Mexican restaurant where we used to go has now closed :( The place we tried was good, but the serves were all huge ... the hunt for the family dinner restaurant continues.

All in all she had a very happy birthday, with many more to come.