Still Thinks I'm Evil/Devious/Up To Mischief
I mentioned in this post that I'd told him it hadn't been me making phantom calls to his 'gf' back in July (he had made the accusation in comments - now deleted - on the blog when it was active at its old home). He initially said it 'didn't matter anymore'.
Two days later however, he brought the issue up again, asking why I had waited until now to tell him rather than then. I explained it - that there was no way either of them would have believed me then, and he and I hadn't been on speaking terms until just recently either. It was obvious he didn't believe me and that he felt I had some sinister reason for the timing. I think he believes I told him now in an attempt to put V in a bad light/try make him not like her ....
I had meant to mention it the night he came here (cos there was no one else to go to and he needed a friend - his words), but he was in a fragile state that night and the conversation didn't really come around to that kind of stuff; the one time I thought to say it I didn't get to do so and the conversation then moved on to something else.
Did I keep it to myself until now for sinister reason? No; it's a very simple truth (which he admitted) that we have not been on speaking terms since he came to see me at the end of May.
This querying about that matter showed me that he still believes I am devious, sly and cunning and purposely trying to harm his 'relationship' with her.
'Improper' Reasons Behind the Legal Action
I say improper because to me his reasons for the legal action are improper. He confirmed this to me in May when he came and saw me and told me the real reason why he wanted me to just 'hand back' the Deed. I felt almost embarrassed for him when he told me.
On Monday, it seemed to me, he confirmed to me again that his reasons for the legal action (in regards to the property settlement) are not actually based on the details of the property settlement but are to do with his relationship with V and, what he perceives as, my 'meddling' in their relationship.
What makes me say this? After having told me for many months now that he has no money, he made an offer (mentioned in the post below this one you're reading ) that didn't involve me paying him money, didn't involve me handing over certain assets, but did involve him making repayments to me if I did 'somethings' and would sign a confidentiality/non-disclosure agreement.
The only things in that I can think he would have been talking about are me taking down the blog/not posting, not initiating contact with her (which I haven't done in gawd knows how long), not answer her questions if she should contact me (which is generally what has happened moreso than me initiating contact with her) .. and not tell her that I had made such an agreement with him and perhaps even not allowed to tell anyone that he was making repayments again.
My reply was very simple - "you've said you can't make the repayments so that doesn't make any sense..."
I'd be a fool to accept that kind of offer - a promise of payments when all he has done for about 12 months is tell me that he hasn't any money? Yeah riiiighhhtt - I saw it as simply putting myself under his control and most likely still not receive any payments!
This, and the conversation we had on Tuesday night, which didn't touch on either the Deed or property settlement issues, but continued on in the vein of why do I write the blog, how could I do such a thing? confirmed to me that the reason for the legal action is his way of getting back at me ie is not really about 'unfairness' of the property settlement or the Deed in or of themselves.
Separating Personal and Business
He cannot separate personal issues and business issues. He tried to say that to me the web site and personal issues are all related to the Deed and the settlement, that I had them all intertwined and couldn't separate them out but, in response to me saying it was him who seemed to think they were all related, he said for him they are not .. one is personal and the other is business.
If that is true though, why is it that he stopped making payments under the Deed immediately after he and she had a(nother) big fight, both came to see me, asked me questions/for information about personal issues ("If he asked would you have him back?" "Please take the blog down"). It seems to me that it is he who brings the two (personal and business) together - uses one (the Deed - business) to 'get back at me' for perceived damage I have caused in regards to the other (his/our - I mean the three of us - interactions -ie personal).
Same Old Conversations
So much of it was just the same old things over again ... him asking me the same questions that he has asked, and I've answered, for the whole of the preceeding three years. He didn't seem to understand that I wasn't interested in having those old conversations for the umpteenth time.
I tried to explain it by telling him that I saw no point in answering questions again, that I have answered in the past, as it was obvious that regardless of what I said to him he continued to think of me/my motives the same way he has for the last two+ years. That I had realised it didn't matter what I said that he would never change his mind about me, but that he still seemed to be trying to change my mind about him/her/my motives etc. He wants to hear me say that I post for mischievious reasons - but I wont say that because it isn't true!
Of Course It's All The Blogs' Fault
And throughout the last conversation it kept coming back to the blog - why do I have a blog, why not a paper diary, that I only post purposely to cause mischief for him ...
My Adherence to What's Right
Of course my strong sense and need to do what is 'right' is a big problem for him. To quote:
"I just think that you will alwys do what you think is right at any cost even ifI said that requests for changes were not made when I thought that the request was wrong (ie that the request should not even have been made) or made for the wrong reason (which, to my mind, has been the case almost all the time with him), and that I knew that what I think of as 'right' is different to what others think of as being 'right'.
it casues problems for other people and requests for change are ignored
becasue you thin you are right."
In Denial About His Behaviour
He stated that he hadn't lied to me since he had left - when I replied with one example he sked was that all? ... I didn't have the time, nor inclination, to ennumerate them all. He does not see that it his own behaviour that has caused his problems - trying to paint a picture of being trustworthy (to a certain person) when that is precisely what he wasn't being!
I did think briefly whether I was doing the same thing - but with all the self-analysis and discussions with close ones that I've had I really don't think I'm in denial about my own actions/motives; I don't think I have anything to be in denial about.
He denied that he has tried to control me. A classic example of him trying to control me is when he lied to me in May to make me feel sorry for him - words from his very own mouth!
Tooooo Many Movies for Him!
I almost gagged at his ending messages (this was in MSN) - he said he is like Luke (ie Starwars) who still believes there is good in me, that he will go quietly into the night, that he still believes in light and hope, and that it doesn't come too late for me ... but I was a Good Girl (TM) and didn't make any facetious remarks.
How sad, that he doesn't realise that life is not like the movies. It's a bit strange that he'd quote that kind of movie really 'cos he always liked the non-typical movies, like Arlington Street, in which the good people all die and the baddie gets away ....
And of Course...
he said he wouldn't 'bother' me anymore, apologised for contacting me, that he wont be back again.
How many times have I heard that before - too many times to ever believe that it's true.
Where To Now St Peter? (to quote a song)
He said he's not going to fight me about the Deed - I replied that was a wise decision (because he has no legal leg to stand on), and later that he would let the judge decide the other matter.
Yet just two weeks ago he said that after the last lot of money he deposited in his lawyers trust fund that there was 'no more' ... meaning no more money available for legal fees; so how is it that he is going to take this to the Supreme Court? Where will he get $15K from? Their Counsels' opinion was that the matter could go either way (which tells me they do not have as strong a case as he intimated to me recently(, whereas my Counsels' opinion was that he has no basis for a claim.
So is he going to risk $15K that he hasn't got, and very well end up having to pay my costs too (this isn't Family Court where each party pays their own costs)?
Possibly he will, just for the frustration and financial burden it will cause me.
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