XmasNails05

XmasNails05
Originally uploaded by Ladytreemaker.

It is becoming a tradition for Mistyqee and I to decorate our nails in Christmas colours for Christmas Day. I like to paint my nails in unusual ways.

I managed to get Mistyqee's nails done on Christmas Eve. Hers are the ones underneath - dark green with red sparklies.

Mine had to wait until Christmas Day when the kids had gone with their Dad for a few hours. I only had time for one coat of green so it's much lighter than Mistyqees'. Green with a red stripe and gold sparklies.

Not hard to tell which are the Old Crones' hands is it!

Merry Christmas To All!!

The clock just ticked over one minute past midnight and that mean it's Christmas here!!!!!!!!!!

Merry

Christmas

Everyone

Almost everything is done on my list and I'm about to hit the pillows.

I wish you all a safe and happy holiday.

P.S. I had a great birthday, will share some of the booty with you later.

So Far So Good

After the work Christmas lunch (which went til after 5pm) and a small birthday gathering I woke a little (but not a lot) seedy this morning.

Despite that I've managed to mow both the lawns and vacuum up all the leaves, and now the shade sail is up too.

Progress is good.

Still To do:
* Make more Christmas shortbreads (cos the ones we made Tuesday are all gone already)
* Tidy/clean the kitchen and bathroom
* Make potato salad for tomorrow
* Do the Christmas Nails thing (see post last year)

Then after the children are in bed:
* Sort and organise the stockings
* Place pressies under the tree

Certified

Woohoo! I got my forklift truck driver ticket today!

Christmas is Complicated for Some People

(end note - sorry 'bout the formatting, the editor went whacko on me and I don't have the brainpower to sit and fiddle with the html)

Tonight I feel both crummy and a little proud of myself.

Get a coffee if you're going to plough through this....

Mum and Me
The relationship between me and my mum has improved this year mostly due to the fact that she has spent more time with me and the kids than in any of the preceeding 9 years (ie since I left my husband).

It didn't really start off as being because she wanted it to be that way - she and her boyfriend split up, so she had no-where to stay on Friday nights. I offered that she could stay here, and so she has, just about every week, for the last hmm quite a few months now; she comes, we have pizza together (either just her and me or her, me and the kdis), watch TV/do whatever then go to bed; she gets up and leaves (for her committment) usually before anyone else gets up. On the odd occassion she has stayed more than one night in a week - when she has had other committments here in the city and I knew it would be easier for her to stay here than go home that night.

For me, I wouldn't say that we have 'regained' a mother/daughter relationship, but that we have built a level of respect for each other.

But I do wonder - if she still had the other place to go to, if I hadn't made the (unrequested) offer, would we have seen as much of each other? I don't know the answer.

My Christmas' for The Last 9 Years
Nuclear Family (ie the kids, the ex and me) Christmas':-
As a result of our 'week about' arrangement with the children it happens that one parent has them for about 7 years for Christmas then the other has about 7 years of Christmas' with the kids at their house.

We have, other than the first Christmas (which was only a month after we split up), played Christmas as follows:

4-6am Kids wake (yep, even at aged 15 last year Mistyqee was awake bright an early last year) and get to open their stockings* until the time the parent they're living with has said they're allowed to rouse them (I think it's usually about 7.30 - 8 at my place).
*Yep, main aim of stocking pressies is that it be something to keep them occupied for a while so parents aren't awakened at ungodly hour

8 - 10 Non-resident parent arrives for our (now) traditional breakfast of croissants with ham and cheese, orange juice and hot drink of choosing. Following which someone is nominated as Santa and doles out the pressies under the tree.

10-12 Non-resident parent and kids return to the other house for more pressie opening (and at their dads' place a visit to the best Aunt and Uncle in our kids world)

12ish Kids return to where they are living for lunch, non-resident parent heads off to whatever Christmas lunch/rest of day arrangements they have made for themselves.

I'ts not as rigid as that, we're very relaxed about it.

(Actually we might have spent the second Christmas, after splitting up, at my mums' house), but it was a bit weird, my family didn't really know how to behave with me and my ex in the same room and getting on so well with each other), so it was something we didn't repeat.

My Non-Child Christmas'
As it turned out the kids were at the ex' for the first ohh about 5 Christmas'; it wasn't planned that way, it's just when the day fell in the calendar. When the kids came back with me to my place at about 10 they'd get a pressie from my (then) partner (yes, the rather infamous one whose later actions caused me to need to start writing a journal again), we'd open the 'house' present (he and I started a tradition of buying a present for the 'house' ie for everyone to use .. a playstation, an avalanche machine, a popcorn maker ... that kind of thing) and they would play with their gifts until it was time to go back to dads' for lunch.

I'm not sure in what order, but I think initially my partner would then go have lunch with his parents and I stayed home by myself. Then one year just he and I stayed home and had lunch together, then another year I was invited to his parents for lunch.

My Child-Week Christmas'
Then it started to be the kids weeks with me when Christmas fell, I think that started happening , hmm must be 6 years ago (maybe only 5, not sure what a leap year does to the days). I don't recall my partner being here when my ex came over and we did the nuclear family part of the day, but I guess he must have been here. Then either we had lunch just the four of us (me, the kids and my partner) or perhaps he went to see his family; I don't recall. His bond with the kids by then was quite strong, so I think he probably stayed here.

The next year the four of us (me, my partner and the kids) went to his parents' for lunch. The following year we had them (his parents, sister and I think, his nannas) over here. The next year was after we had split up (but he was still living here), and although we were invited, the kids and I satyed home by ourselves for lunch whilst he went to his parents'.

Last year the kids and I were invited to join my ex at his brother & wifes' house for lunch, and we went.

This year, about a month ago (when this starts being a question people ask 'what are you doing for Christmas'), there had been no invitations and I was thinking that I'd like to just stay home, me and the kids, for lunch this year.

Then mum said she had been offered the ship for Christmas day, and would the kids and I like to have Christmas lunch on the ship? The kids weren't with me that week, and I didn't want to make any arrangements without their input; it was about two weeks before we got around to discussing it.

The Kids Decision
I said it seemed we had perhaps three options for Christmas day:
1. Stay at home just the three of us,

2. Go to the Aunt and Uncles if we received an invitation to do so or

3. Take a picnic lunch to the ship with Marzie.

I told them my preference was the first, but that I would be happy to do whichever one they chose, cos to me Christmas is mostly for them.

They chose either or 2 or 3.

The next time I discussed it with mum she advised that the ship had now been taken by someone else for Christmas Day. (She is doing ship duty as usual on the Saturday, which is Christmas Eve, and will be staying here Friday night as usual - which also happens to be my birthday).

There is yet to be an invitation to the Aunt and Uncles house (they've been overseas on a holiday and it wouldn't surprise me if they hadn't gotten around to making their arrangements yet, having only just returned last week).

So at this point nothing is planned for Christmas.

Curious

I had started to become a curious as to whether mum might ask to stay the night on Christmas Eve, and had started to wonder whether she might want to be involved in our Christmas even though the ship would not be involved.

I discussed it last week with my ex and voiced the above thoughts. He said, and I agreed, that he considered Christmas morning to be for 'us' - just him, me and the kids, and that he didn't really want my mum to be there for that time. He was happy for her to be involved in any other part of the day, and would ask whether she could join us at the Aunt and Uncles if an invitation was forthcoming.

Mum rang earlier this week to say she'd been invited by friends to have Christmas lunch (or was it dinner?) with friends in the town where she lives. I felt a degree of relief I am slightly ashamed to admit, but I was also happy for her.

Feeling Crummy, but Also a Smidge Proud of Myself

Then tonight mum rang again. Towards the end of the conversation she asked whether she might stay the night Christmas Eve so she could be here in the morning, see the kids open their presents. She said it was ok to say no.

I had thought this potential dilemna had passed, and didn't have a prepared reply. I hesitated and ummed and ahhh'd and eventually explained that I had discussed this with the ex, and that this had become 'our' time. I felt badly :(

She was very gracious, said that that was fine and ok, didn't sound put out or disappointed, though I'm sure she felt it.

I feel rather crummy about having said no. With Gran gone and my sister having disassociated mum (due to issues over Grans' will), she wont be seeing any family on Christmas day.

But I also feel a little proud of myself for sticking up for the new 'traditions' that my nuclear family have developed, which were, basically, as a direct result of the fall-out of our marriage break-down (ie mum didn't like me, my sister disowned me. other than that second Christmas I didn't see them on Christmas day at all (not so bad as my birthday is two days prior and I always saw them then anyway, and would exchange Christmas gifts at that time) and they all made their own plans that didn't include me.

Conclusion

Did I do the right thing? I don't know. The right thing for mum, probably not. The right thing for my ex, yes. The right thing for the kids, I don't know. The right thing for me, yes.

So tonight I go to bed with a slightly troubled mind; feeling crummy but tinged with a bit of pride.

Xmas lights - Google Video

Xmas lights - Google Video

Mistyqee and I walked up the street last night to have a look at the Christmas Lights display at a couple of houses.

Very cute - these people also have displays in the front two bedrooms and their garage, talk about letting it take over the house!

It doesn't hold any kind of candle next to this video though (click on the title above). Apparently the owner turned them off after there was a traffic accident outside his house.

Blogthing

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace. You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions. You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected. It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional. You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others. While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well. At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything. You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams. You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

What Temperment Are You?

Happy Dance (or .. How Small is my Life)

Firstly, I'm ok. I know yesterdays' post was depressing, but I don't feel depressed - it's just a fact/how things are. Maybe my conclusion was wrong, but somehow I don't think so .... things are pretty shite at the moment due to being in limbo land as far as the legal matter is concerned. I may have a very hard decision to make very soon, but even after that I'm not certain that my 'life'/outlook on life will change dramatically.

Think if kinda comes back to something I've said before - I'm basically 'doing it for the kids', or everyone else; not for me. So what, I'm here, I'm doing 'it'.


Anyway................. I was *almost* doing a happy dance after I got home from work tonight, but before that ...

Tomorrow
I'm not sure whether to be happy or anxious that the boss will be back tomorrow. Glad cos it means I'm not *it* any more and the problems will no longer be mine and mine alone. Anxious cos he will not be a happy chappy about things that have occurred whilst he was away (thankfully none of them any of our fault though).

Had knots and uncomfy tummy feelings on the way to work this morning, that's never happened before. Didn't get a period yet either so I'm fairly resigned that it (and Friday) was due to work :( Not good. Hoping it goes away after tomorrow.

Burning Money :(
Bit the bullet today and made an appt to see my lawyer in the coming weeks. Irks me dreadfully to burn money like that but I don't see that I have any option - so I do what I have to do (as usual!).

Finally - The Happy Dance! (or How Small is my Life)
Onto more positive things though ... I was most pleased this afternoon on my return to my abode from the workplace.

There waiting for me was a grinning Mistyqee behind which was hiding ..

my new vaccuum cleaner!!!

Yup, see how small my life is - my day is made by receiving a new vaccuum cleaner - at least I can still laugh at myself!

Bought online two weekends ago and it's here already, thought it would take longer (had to come from the opposite side of the country to get here). Short read of the manual and the test run went well .... have decided to donate my old one (which does carpets well, of which I have few, but does very poorly on the tools - which I need the most!) to work, since the one there blew up two weeks ago.

Now I have to wait for a break in the teenage-tv-viewing so I can at last vaccuum the couch :) (no, I'm not a manic cleaner - honest, it bugs me though when I want to clean something and can't for the lack of tools!)

Los of Nothing = Too Much Thinking

Nothing
I have been reasonably accomplished at doing nothing again this weekend.

Did grocery shopping, re-hung the fairy lights outside cos they'd fallen down.

Mowed the front and back lawns.

Did washing.

Washed the hallway floor.

Cleaned out the bottom of the pantry cos something (either onions or potatoes) were dieing down there.

OK, so maybe I didn't do nothing; failed again!

Nap
I even tried to have a nap this afternoon - having gotten bored with doing nothing (sleep is a good way to pass boring time), but was unsucessful; sleep wouldn't come.

Sliding Doors
Watched Sliding Doors with mum the other night. It made me think of how things could have gone - what would my sliding doors life have been like? Maybe one day I'll have a go at writing a different ending.

Futility
Whilst laying under the doona this afternoon the thought that I could perhaps start exercising crept into my brain. My body has been in a capable state for quite a while now. I have made a few half hearted attempts at starting an exercise regime.

But then the brain kicks in - why bother to exercise - obvious answer ie to be fitter. (Other than gardening I do nothing physical) But why bother being fitter? So I can sit around doing nothing in a more fit state? To prolong my life? So I look better (trim taut and terrific) - but I'm not trying to catch anyones' attention. None of them are things that I want/need.

Analysis
And then the analytical brain kicked in - and came to the realisation as to what is going on here .... it's my self-esteem battering ram yet again.

It all boils down to - I don't care about myself anymore/still.

Hmmmmmm

Hmmm maybe I should have said yes?

Someone just rang asking for Mrs (his surname) ... that's never been my name so I said no .. the person said sorry and hung up. I'm wondering if I should have said yes/explained that I'm his ex-partner.

Wonder why someone would ring *here* after all this time ...?

All I can Say is ..

THANK GOD IT's FRIDAY

I'm having a bourbon, yes, I'm feeling *that* shitty.

I don't know whether it's the stress of being *it* at work and the shennanigans that have been going on, or whether maybe the hormones are finally kicking in and I'm experiencing PMS for the first time in hmmm about 6 years. Or the fact that I haven't gotten around to making an appt with the lawyer, or the reality of my financial situation crashing in on me last night ... maybe it's all of the above? I don't usually swear but tonight I need to say it ...

F*CK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm more hopeful of the first than the second. (Haven't been back to the doc, so am abt 5 weeks late for injection and no period yet). Two days off work should ease the first, wont do anything for the second (other than if I actually get a period).

I'm going to do lots of not-being-at-work for the next two days. I don't know what else ... this bourbon is going down well and there's 3/4 of a bottle of wine in the fridge for when Mum arrives - methinks tonight I'll be having the lions share, which is unusual.

More Murphy

At least I didn't have any car troubles today ... but the installers jackhammer blew up part way through a job.

, can't wait for the boss to get back.