Brain Dead

Feeling rather brain dead tonight - had 20 minutes at home before I had to head off to Parent Information night at school. It was brain deadening, probably because I went to a most similar talk last year for my son, at the same school. This year it was for my daughter.

Heavens above, if tonight was an example of how these people 'share' information with our children it's more credit to the kids that they pass.


Good news and bad news in the letterbox tonight.

Good News
The financial relief I was waiting for arrived! This is earlier than I thought it would come. Now it just has to get processed before I can actually make use of the relief. My credit card will look mucho better once that happens.

That makes me feel very relieved, though sad that the money can't go towards something more productive.

Bad News
The bad news has been dealt with in the only manner I know how, and another hidden post :( I don't like hiding posts, but it has to be that way for now, and For Me.

The Night Out

The night out went reasonably well. Neither he nor I had panic/anxiety attacks.

The gathering was considerably smaller than I had guessed at, there were just 9 of us. I was concerned that this would create more pressure for my companion but it seems that it didn't.

I had spent some idle time in the afternoon pondering how I would introduce him to my acquaintances (and I couldn't recall if any of them had met him before, and would know who he was). He too had been thinking about how this would go and we discussed it on the way to the BBQ.

We settled for 'This is X, my friend'. If they wanted to know more they could ask. All the other introduction possibilities just didn't feel right, to either of us.

I'm sure my acquaintances were surprised to see that I had taken someone with me, and I'm sure towards the end of the evening some questions were put around whilst we were both out of the room. But no-one asked either of us, and I haven't been asked since either.

I'm pleased that it went well - for my own sake, considering that I rarely go out there is always some anxiety these days.

I'm pleased for him too, it was a pleasant relaxed evening, he got out of the house, mixed with some new people and he cooked prawns and fish on the BBQ for the first time ever.

And I'm pleased for us .... going somewhere together turned out to work ok; I wasn't really sure how it would go or how it would feel. It felt fine.

The Future
We might do it again sometime, though that might not be for quite a long time as neither of us have much of a social calendar.

There are particular gatherings that he goes to which he wont invite me due to history with the other people; and that's fine.

Neither of us are particularly into going somewhere just for the sake of going out.

It's more about just having someone to go with when a suitable event arises.

Ice Breaking
It's good to have broken the ice in that regard. And I'm pleased I asked him too as it had been a consderable time since we discussed this as a possibility and I was thinking that perhaps he thought I might never be going to ask him to go somewhere with me. So now I'm sure he would feel comfortable with asking me to accompany him somewhere.

Breaking the Ice can be tricky at times, but this time it was fine.

And to be Fair..

Here is the BlogExplosion one (which I've been on for aaaages):

(These generally increase your traffic by you getting points/credits for visting other folks' blogs. The credits count towards other people visiting your blog. I find it interesting to see others' blogs and have found some good ones that get bookmarked and re-visited often. Quite a few are of little interest to me, but it's always good to look.)

Want More Traffic (Gawd, sounds like so many other blogs)

A new blog traffic increasing program. It's official release is in March .. eek that's this week -
WHEN DID IT GET TO BE MARCH ALREADY?!?!

(Disclosure Note - my referral ID is included in the link, I will get credits if you sign up via this link):

Let's See How This Goes

I'm going out tonight - for only about the fourth or fifth time in three years.

Not out in public though (I'm not that brave/foolish), I'm going to a house party - very relaxed, a BBQ.

I am taking someone with me. A person I consider 'safe', and who considers me 'safe'.

There will be people there I haven't seen in quite a long time.

It will be interesting to see how I go. It will be interesting to see how he (the person I'm taking) goes. It will be interesting to see how we go.

Wish me luck.

I Feel Slightly Better

I've posted what I wanted to say the other night, but have kept it hidden (draft mode) from prying eyes.

I feel better for having put it down, and marked with a date - so that I can' t be accused of 'making it up (at a later date) so it sounds good'.

The matter still makes me feelgrrrr arrrgghh but it's good to have gotten it out of my head.

Whether I post it at some later date depends on lots of things.

But that doesn't really matter (whether anyone else sees it or not sometime in the future) - I've got it down, that's what's important - for me.

Grrr Arrrgghh

hmmm actually it's probably better that I not post this just yet :(

(yes, I'm in two minds tonight - proud mum and grrr arrrgghh)

Thunderbolts Job Search

Pizza Haven
Well it would seem Thunderbolt really has landed a job this time - part-time though it be.

Nothing glam - pizza deliveries, but it's a job, and he got one within only a few weeks of looking.

To me that was important, so that he not get to the point of feeling like it's a waste of time cos he's never going to get a job - a position that's not hard to fall into.

They provide a vehicle, which is good as he hasn't yet got one of his own. I think the driving experience will be good for him too :) Plus it's only a five minute walk from my place (probably about 15 minute walk from his dads). Although I offered to pick him up when he finishes work (8.30pm) he said he'd walk, so I don't have to be the taxi either!

A well pleased mum I am tonight. (Oh, and I'm still just as happy as Mistyqee about the dress, saw some shoes that might go well with it tonight too!)

Perth Metropolitan Forecast

Perth Metropolitan Forecast

(Yeah, I know, I have really lost it - talking about the weather on my blog!)

We seem to have returned to the weird summer weather pattern that has been around for a few years now .. blazingly hot (see the forecast link about - 39celcius forecast for tomorrow, it was 37 today), followed by humid weather that belongs in the tropics - thunderstorms, humidity and bit fat raindrop rain.

Summer didn't used to be like this; it used to be unusualy to have so much humid weather in Perth, but it's a cycle that I've noticed occuring in our summers for a few years now.

I don't like it (no prize for guessing that I'm *not* a summer person?)

The Will

For those that have been reading for a while...

The matter of my Grans' will appears to be no more in the near future. Apparently my brother-in-law has decided to no longer pursue the matter.

Yes that's good, however the rift that it has caused between my mum and sister is unlikely to be healed :(

Hmmmmm

Starting to think I may have been found again, oh well.

Finances were really getting me down, and I realised I've been moaning about it quite a lot. Rather than live on the bones of my bum and keep moaning about it for the next month I decided to do something about it today that means, as of tomorrow, I can breathe a little easier.
It was something that was always there, but which I consider a last resort.

There is some other relief coming, but it's not a big amount, and I don't know when it will come, so I know I can repay the favour.

Also bit the bullet on another matter.

Thankfully the weather has cooled (rather suddenly and drastically) and my power problems were not something blown up (which, considering the financial situation, I really couldn't have covered).

I'm not feeling as though weight has been lifted, but I do feel slightly better.

Errrkkk

Erk! Melting
Yesterday was so hot - 38.7 celcius. When I went to go to bed upstairs (aka 'the sauna in summer') my aircon wouldn't turn on. Thankfully I did get to sleep fairly quickly and thankfully it was mucho cooler today.

Erk in the Kitchen
Methinks the weird weather - so hot yesterday and so much cooler today - has caused a bunch of pantry moth pupae to hatch.

Tonight they were all over the kitchen floor. I must have swept up about 30 of them
I've had this happen once before, about 6 years ago or so.

It's just awful cos they look like maggots - errrrkkk! , but thankfully I know they are not.

Sorry if you were eating when you read that.

ERRRRKKKK!!
Tomorrow is S day again

Searching?

First a note on my sons' job - he didn't get the job. When he spoke to them the next day (they had said for him to think about it overnight and talk to them in the morning) they said if he couldn't start that day that he didn't have the job.
He had explained, the night before, that he had appointments the next two days but could start on Monday. When they said he must start straight away he said no.
Initially I thought that was a bad move on his part, but on further pondering I realised I didn't like what that attitude said about the company, and I'm glad now that he said no.
So his search continues....

My Searching
Every week I still read the relationship column in the Sunday paper (usually on-line, though sometimes in print). Sometimes I find things that I copy to my hard drive and keep, like the one below from last weekend. (More input from me follows):

crazy for you 05-02-2006 From:
The Sunday Telegraph
When love waxes and wanes it's time to keep your eye on the prize and realise what's important to you. By Toby Green.

Daniel, married for 21 years, had three kids, owned his own home and
thought he was a happily married, and lucky, man. That was until his work
colleague Helen started to confide in him about her own marriage becoming
unstuck.

With each heart-to-heart they had, he felt himself falling deeper and
deeper in love. He came to me because he felt crazed. Helen filled his every thought; his every waking moment. He couldn't remember experiencing any love as strong as the passion he felt for her. He had fantasies about fleeing his marriage and children who he knew needed him.

It hadn't become a sexual relationship, yet. He was holding back so as not
to do anything that would be destructive to Helen, considering the emotional
state she was in. He also admitted to not knowing if her feelings for him were
equally as strong. He wanted his sanity back.
Like thousands of others, Daniel's mid-life fantasy-filled liaison felt like a heroin addiction. Fortunately for Daniel and his family, he sought help.

mid-life mediocrity
Here's what gets confusing. You're standing there, a mild-mannered,
sensible man in your 40s with everything you're supposed to have at that age -
the right wife, kids, car, house and job.

Every box ticked.

For many men at this stage a certain lethargy sets in. Life develops a
familiar hum. And then along comes Helen, a fresh face, a damsel in distress,
confiding intimate things to you. You're needed, flattered, her attention is
all-encompassing and before you know it, bam, you're in love like you haven't
been since you were 14.

The other thing that gets confusing is the difference between feelings
versus actions, emotions versus behaviour.

Love is how Daniel feels about Helen, strongly. But they are only feelings.
Daniel has no choice - you can't dictate emotions. They're born, grow, peak and
ebb. However, no matter how strong, they're not a call to action. "I feel
therefore I act" indicates lack of self-control, impulse-driven behaviour and
immaturity.

staying true
Commitment is a behaviour, not a feeling. Commitment is the action Daniel
took about the way he felt about his wife and children. Commitment is necessary
in long-term relationships because feelings for partners are always in flux:
love, boredom, anger, tenderness.

Commitment is what Daniel needs to fall back on when his feelings for his
wife are low and those for Helen are high. Commitment is the behaviour that acts
as glue when your feelings are haywire.


However, that's not to dismiss emotions entirely, as they can be an
indication that some stocktaking may be in order.

If Daniel was happy before Helen came along, he should look at his level of
marital consciousness, at perhaps investing in some maintenance, at confronting
some issue that may be bothering him that he's ignored.

love and marriage
It's not a paradox for Daniel to feel love for Helen and stay committed to
his family. His commitment will be there long after the intensity of his
feelings for Helen fades. Helen will hopefully remind him of how exhilarating
and in love he is with being in love. He should use this reminder to its best
advantage.

It's okay for him to feel it for Helen and direct it to his wife by buying
his wife flowers, champagne, or a romantic dinner. Daniel may be pleasantly
surprised by what he awakens and receives in return.

This article appealed because of the discussion of the difference between love and committment. This was a major point of our relationship - that we didn't base it on love because we had both experienced the waxing and waning/fleetingness of 'love', but moved on with the relationship based on a feeling of strong committment to each other (I've mentioned this in posts long ago).

I guess the article just confirms that he no longer felt that committment.

I started thinking tonight "why do I keep reading this column?". Am I *still* looking for justification for feeling so bad (ie read - not having coped at all well with the situation I went through)? Am I looking for evidence that one of us did the wrong thing?

The answer to those questions was no, on both counts. I came to realise that I read the column these days looking for some kind of confirmation that the way I think a relationship could be is not so off-the-planet as I'd perhaps been led to believe.

That my idea of a relationship based on committment, rather than love alone, is not such a hare-brained idea. One of those probably preceeds the other in most relationships, for me it was committment first and the love grew over time. I'm not sure in what order they occurred for him.

I read to learn how other relationships are, the pros and cons.

Maybe I'm reading with the intent of opening myself to the possibility of another relationship, and preparing myself for dealing with issues, and trying to decide whether to go for monogamy or something else.

It's not something I consciously think about - finding a partner, entering into an intimate relationship. I wonder if my sub-conscious is working on it.

I Don't Care that Pride is a Sin - I'm PROUD

Proud
It would be enough that he got a job after only one week of applying; that would have made me proud.

But I'm even more proud than just that.

The job he has taken is:
a) manual work (not hard manual labour, but manual labour all the same)
b) not normal hours
c) is nothing like the kind of job he really wants to have.
d) has no prospect of getting him into the field in which he really wants to work.

But he still is going to take the job.

That really has my respect, that really surprised me, and that is was makes me so especially proud of my son.

Parenting
Someone was talking about a parenting issue recently. It occurred to me that one of their issues is that the two parents do not have a united front. They don't seem to discuss/confer on some things. Their relationship is 'interesting', so the lack of a united front isn't something I feel I can raise with them.

Makes me oh so much appreciative of the relationship I have with my ex, and how that facilitates our parenting.

Wow

I'm so proud tonight, my son appears to have a job, after having only started applying for jobs one week ago.

Sometime we think we know our children, then BAM! they do something that really surprises us - this time in the most wonderful way (I've been 'fortunate' that there haven't been many unpleasant surprises so far).

Tonight I am a very proud parent. Tomorrow I might tell you why.

Uncomfortable Times Beget Uncomfortable Thoughts

I had a phantom phone call tonight.

The phone rang, I answered and said hello; about 2 seconds later they hung up without having said anything.

I figure most people get phantom calls now and then, once in a blue moon. And I figure most of the time they're nothing to be concerned about, something not given a second thought.

But then, if there is something bad/weird/uncomfortable going on in my life I view them differently.

I'm suddenly thinking was it him, was it her? That leads to wondering why they would be calling ... have they fought and he has no-one else to turn to again, is he in the pit again, does he want to discuss the settlement/debt, is she worried about his trustworthiness again and so on and so on ad nauseum.

Then some sense of rationality comes forth and realises he usually rings on my mobile, so it's likely it wasn't him.

So was it her, or just some phantom call that deserves no further attention.

I don't know, guess I never will.

I really don't like that bit.

Thank Goodness

I've had a weekend, and I'm so glad I did cos I really needed it after Friday.

What was good:
Thunderbolt on track with applying for jobs,
Mistyqee's dress chosen and deposit paid
Avocado tree pruned (job not finished by the major part done)
And
I got a beautiful frangipani plant FOR FREE!!

This all makes for a content person.

Hope you had a good one too :)

Crap Start to the Weekend, Better Saturday

I had a really crappy day at work yesterday, thanks for asking. About 3pm I was feeling like grabbing my bag and just leaving. But I'm not that kind of person and I need a job, so I didn't.

Bad thing is that these don't seem to be matters that are going to go away anytime soon.

I came home and announced I'd had a crap day and everyone should just leave me alone for a bit. I don't think the kids new how to react as I don't think I've ever done that before. I was fine after a while.

Yay Saturday!
Took Thunderbolt to some car yards, still hasn't found one he wants; it's difficult in his price range.

But Saturday got better. Took Mistyqee into town and WE FOUND THE BALL-DRESS!!

It is just spectacular and, like last year, I knew it was the right dress cos of the smile on her face when she had it on. It was the first dress she tried on, the only one like that in the shop AND IT FITTED! Anyone hearing karma karma?

Problem is the price, it is more dollars than I was thinking of being appropriate.

So she tried on many other dresses. But none felt like 'the' dress. None looked as good, none made her smile so much.

We continued on to two other shops and stopped to have lunch on the way to some more. I had her call her dad to enquire as to how much he had been thinking of for a dress.

It was more than the price of 'the' dress.

So we went back and put a deposit on it. It seems they keep a register and will register this dress for her school ball, meaning they will not sell it to anyone else attending her ball! I never knew this existed and am sure it must infringe on someones' rights, but she was very pleased about it - that no-one else at her ball is going to be wearing the same dress. (The other girls' parents are probably not silly enough to pay that much for a dress anyway, but I didn't say that to her!)

I have one extremely happy girl sitting behind me :) She keeps thanking me, bouncing, and talking about the dress, she's even given it a name - the Phoenix dress. I will post a pic once we actually have it here at home.

Yes, the ball is not until May, so we are well ahead of schedule!

I *do* love making my children happy.

Parenting Adventures - We Did Something Right
I've been helping (read pushing) Thunderbolt with his search for a job this week, and he did something that really surprised me.

I'd given him the task of writing a job application (just one!) by the time I got home.

I was surprised that he had actually done it, but was even *more* surprised that he said he realised how bad he was at writing covering letters and could I please read it and give him some help!!

Admitting you're not good at something is pretty hard for some people, as is asking for help. For Thunderbolt it's almost unheard of.

Was feeling very proud of him that night. (Oh and the covering letter was edited and his first application sent off)

Was even prouder of him when I got home the next night and he had done another one! Particularly surprised as I hadn't even told him to!

His dad and I often worry about his level of motivation to do things, and we both know we are not very good models in that arena. So I was really pleased with him; getting a job isn't something he *really* wants to do, so for him to be doing stuff off his own bat is particularly pleasing.