Grr Blogger ... and Bad Dreams

Fun and Games
I was going to post this last night, but Blogger had other ideas.
My children have discovered a multiplayer game we all enjoy. It's an oldie that I got a freebie CD of on a cereal box quite a long time ago - Age of Empires I. Even my daughter likes to play it.
So we've been playing over our network at home, all three of us and having a blast.
It's reminded me of times when I used to do that a lot, with a particular someone -
but not so much that I haven't been able to enjoy it. I love that it's something all three of us can do 'together'.




I had a disturbing dream last night - I warn you it's about children being killed. Don't read below if that in itself turns you off. I'll try to put enough space here that it is isn't visible without scrolling down.
I'm writing it down so it's here for me to keep looking at to try unravel.



















Not So Fun and Games
I didn't post the above this morning as I was feeling very uncomfortable this morning having had a very disturbing dream - and no, it wasn't about that particular someone.
In fact it wasn't about anyone that I knew; the people in it were all strangers. That in itself is pretty unusual for me - dreams that I can recall after waking are generally about people I know.
It was awful - children being killed in front of their parents. Thankfully the children weren't aware of what was going to happen to them. (I wont go into the detail of how that happened, but it was very graphic in the dream) I only saw two, and only saw one parent reaction (only that childs' parent was present - other than the people making the events occur) ... and the parents reaction was just zombie like ...
The thoughts that went through my dream-selfs' head whilst having the dream were along the lines of .. no, no the parents are doing it wrong, they should be showing happy faces to their children (as they zoom down a slide, not knowing their death is at the end of it), pretend that everything is fine, just as if they are at a park or carnival. They should do that for their child, so their child doesn't become aware that something is wrong, that something bad is going to happen .. to prevent the child from the awful realisation of what is about to happen, so that the child can avoid being scared and terrorised with fear. To protect the child. Afterwards is when the parent can let it out. They should be strong for their child.
Thankfully I woke after the second childs death and didn't have to 'watch' any more of it. I felt ill when I woke up, and very disturbed.
I don't know whether it's due to the content of the dream - the scene I was being showed, or because of the thoughts of my dream-self. (I didn't see myself in the dream so I'm unsure if I was actually present).
My first thought was how on earth did I think a parent could be that strong? Could I be that strong? (I doubt it). Is that how I think parents should be? (I don't know) Is there a point at which it's time to stop protecting our children from ugly realities? (I don't know). ..... are these the things this dream is trying to get me to think about? (I don't know)
I can't think of anything that has happened, that I've read about or seen or been told about that would be a trigger for this dream. But then I haven't been able to work out what it's about either .. so realising what may have been a trigger is rather impossible.
They were young children, much much younger than my own, Asian in appearance (as were those causing the events to happen).

I hope never recall another dream like that. I still feel disturbed now, and a bit uneasy about going to bed tonight.