The poor man. Innocently enquiring after someone he used to know at school. He had no idea. And look what he got.

If it had been anyone else from school it wouldn't have been like this, but no, it was him.

I'm wondering if the lesson I'm supposed to learn from all this is that I just am not ready to be let out into the wider world; that I don't yet know how to conduct myself 'properly', i.e. like everyone else; that I am not safe to be let loose on normal folk. Perhaps this is to teach me I should still keep myself to myself.

Sad :( I so wanted to be ready.

Or maybe it's to teach me something else.

I don't like not knowing what the lesson is.



Now I question whether allowing him to choose was actually me abrogating a responsibility that I should have taken myself. Whether is was the right thing to do.

If (one of) the lesson is that I have to re-learn social 'niceties' then I'm through with this lesson (not having learned the lesson, rather deciding that .... that this is a lesson I do not want to learn).

I really should have had that lobotomy. My head is my worst enemy. Not because thinking is bad, just I wish I could get to the point of having thought and then turn it off.