Imagination/Wishful Thinking ...What is it?
I don't know whether I just have an over-active imagination, or whether this is a strange kind of non-dreaming, maybe it's just very wishful thinking, or maybe it's some kind of psychic phenomenon or maybe I just spend tooooo much time at the computer (doubtful cos I spend less time at the computer now than I have at other times of my life) ... but it happened again last night and this time I remember it.
Over the last month or so when I've been in bed, not quite asleep, I 'get' both instant messges and emails. They are there before my eyes just like on the screen. And yea, they're from that most recent him.
This hasn't only just been happening since the communication between us ceased, I'm sure of that - that's the rather odd part (I'd understand it more if it had only been happening since that time).
I don't remember all of the messages I've 'received' this way, but last nights' were both about getting back in contact in some time in the future.
Lifting My Head
As a result of the experience I've been through I've kinda lifted my head up a little ... made my profile on some dating/meeting people sites. Only listing myself as looking for friends. I've started e-mailing with two people ... no agenda, not looking for that 'someone', just putting my toes in the water and widening my view. Can't hurt.
Lesson
One thing he has taught me is to stand my ground and face a situation, and to try work through it rather than run away and hide back in my castle. Whilst we didn't end up where we wanted to (long-term friends - though that is an aim that may still be possible at some other time) I think this was a good lesson for me to learn.
I think that he feels it was a bad thing for him to keep telling me to stay - cos he sees it as having lead us to where we ended up, but truly I think I needed to do that ... to stay and not run away. Running away is too easy, and it's true that it's only the things we achieve through hardship and struggle are the things we treasure the most.
The Temptress
The temptress (as he called her) has receeded to ... somewhere. Much more thinking than feeling going on at present. I don't believe she has run away back into the castle though, maybe just taking a break. Or maybe it's just because there's no role for her at the moment. Maybe that's why I've done the meeting people site thing .... to see if she comes back to the surface.
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2 comments:
From reading this post I think it is obvious that you are wanting a partner on your life. I'm not saying a what level. Maybe not someone you see every day or talk to every day. Maybe just someone to date. But don't just do nothing and hope it happens. Do something to make it happen. I think you are off to a good start. Remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Thanks Gary,
Yes I'm doing something ... have had several contacts since putting my profile 'out there'.
It's very strange though ... but I'm trying :)
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