Music and Smiles

Music
It was with some trepidation that I put one of the CDs he had given me into the car player this morning as I left for work.

What effect would the music have on me - would it be the bubble burster, or would it all be good?

I couldn't play this music prior to Sunday, and was so overwhelmed on Sunday and had too many thoughts in my head (of newness) on Monday that today was the first time I had the space and time to try it.

The music was wonderful. It brought me no angst, no sad thoughts of him (only happy ones).

Tomorrow I will try one of the others ones.

Smiles
And when I got to work I realised I had been smiling the whole way. This is different, this is new.

Yes, in the last few weeks there has been bouts of spontaneous smiling (and grinning) on the way to and from work, but today I smiled the entire time ... and it wasn't the passion or desire making it happen.

I find myself looking for a certain someone over the copper wires, and entertaining certain ideas - of meeting -- of meeting someone new that I don't know and have never met before.

And I know then, for certain, that I am now different, that I am 'better', that I have come out into the light. That I will follow my feelings and trust them, but not with giddy abandon.


There is still retrospection going on, still looking and learning from what has happened. I am amazed and stunned - in the most wonderful way.