Being good/doing the 'right thing' is so hard sometimes :( - sometimes I wish the memories were erased so I wouldn't feel the yearning, so that I didn't have anything to wonder 'what if' about, to wonder how might things go if he re-connected and was available, how might it go if he re-connected and wasn't available - I believe I could do the right thing, but there would be sadness there too ... lots of things.
Other times I am so glad for the memories... they are so good.
I do things that perhaps I shouldn't - re-read e-mails and chats ... just to re-live it. Sometimes it seems like a dream and I have to remind myself that it did actually happen; that there was someone kind enough, patient enough, caring enough ... to help me find my way out of the castle.
I find myself retreating back into the castle from time to time, but the drawbridge is down, not shut tight. I no longer live in darkness.
The Child
Transactional Analysis came up in a discussion recently. It was suggested that maybe it was my 'child' that had been re-awoken. I'm not so sure. It's a long time since I looked at TA, must get some books from the library.
Ah shoot, I see a sleepless night ahead :(
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