Came home feeling rather chipper tonight, I think it's because I have tomorrow off.

Partnering
I've been trying to think about the partner question. And the simple answer is that I don't know. Gah how I dislike not knowing. Sometimes I wonder whether 'I don't know' means 'no'.

And I've been wondering too whether in this case it's not really possible to separate the feeling of need from the want .. ie if I don't feel an emotional need for a partner then maybe that's why I don't feel that I want a partner? I don't feel as though I'm missing out on anything by not having one. I don't want to procreate anymore, I don't feel the need to share my life with anyone .... but it would be nice for someone to be there, at the very least at certain times.

I lay my arm out to the empty side of the bed last night and there was just ... space. It would be nice for there to be someone close, someone who knows me intimately (and I'm not talking about sex!).

But I don't feel lonely; I am ok by myself.

It truly feels like what I said a couple of posts below ... I'm not looking for a partner, but I'm not not looking for a partner either. Certainly if something like the events of a few months ago occurred again (with someone who was available!) I believe I would be there; that I would do it, that I wouldn't walk away saying 'no,no, I'm not looking for a relationship'. Previous history tells me that's what I would do.

So what to do about the dating sites? Methinks I'll leave the one up that allows me to say 'friendship' and we will see what we will see.