Difficult Familial Relationships

I just need to write about this 'cos I can't talk about it with anyone :(

Mums Had An Accident
I had a call from my mum tonight, she caused a serious accident today as a result of going through a red light - the fact of which she was totally unaware.

Thankfully all three people involved (including my mum) have, seemingly, minor injuries only.

Not Really Unexpected ...
Over a year ago, before she had her back surgery, my children and I had decided we didn't want to be driven by her anymore. Whilst her driving was ok, it had become a bit of a scarey event. I think this became more so the case for my children as they became drivers themselves, and were thus more aware of driving skills.

I didn't say anything to my mum about this at the time, and now here we are - she has been involved in, and was the cause of, an accident. Thank everyone's deities that no one was seriously hurt.

And I feel a touch of guilt that I didn't say anything back then about her driving skills. If I say something about it now I'm sure it will seem undue admonishment, though she certainly sounded really dumbfounded as to how she could have driven through a red light without knowing it.

The other hard thing about saying that I don't think she should be driving is her experience in the past with her own mother, and having been through that scenario with her mother.

Harder still the fact that she lives over an hour from the city and, having been on her own for quite a long time now, she is fiercely independent.

How can I broach the subject - she will look and see the path her own mother went down, and be horrified to think that will happen to her.

And ... More Surgery Coming Up
The accident occurred here in the city. She was here for a doctors appointment to sort out what to do about her back. She fell whilst on holidays recently and has chipped one of her vertebrae.

She is booked in for surgery for Tuesday of next week. She will be staying here with me following her release from hospital, same as last time.

It's good in a way because she will not be able to drive. However there is the intervening week during which she has to get a bunch of blood and other tests done in preparation for the surgery. And these tests have been organised (as she saw the doctor before the accident happened today) to be done close to her home.

She is going to get a hire car. I feel so frustrated, what can I do? I can't do anything because I have to work and having only recently changed jobs I'm still in my probation/trial period and can't ask to have a day or two off now to take her home and get all that sorted out, and then perhaps another day next week to see her right in regards to being in hospital etc.

I really wish I didn't have to work and could just go do things for her and run her around wherever she needs to go and get her into the hospital still in one piece. On the other hand I have my responsibilities to my boss who pays me which allows me to pay my bills and keep a roof over my head and food on the table.

Yes I know if I ask my boss will probably give me the time off but I soo do not feel comfortable about asking.

Perhaps some of the arrrrgghhhh I'm feeling is because whilst I feel a responsibility to my mum (simply because she is my mum) it is solely this sense of responsibility that makes me feel I should do these things for her. Our relationship is still not one of mother/daughter, our connection is not very strong.


And it Causes Another Dilemna
I have just booked myself in for a two day Reiki course, to be held on the 29th & 30th this month - yes this has now become the weekend that mum is possibly going to be coming home (here to my place) from hospital araaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh

I don't feel that I can go off and do this course with a clear conscience if my mum has just come home from hospital. To put that responsibility of 'looking after her' onto my children is not appropriate, it is not something they should have to do.

BUT I have been looking forward to this course so much, been doing a heap of reading and research about it there is no way that I want to have to put it off.

I guess I could console myself with the fact that the course is only 9.30 - 3.00 each day and is only 5 minutes from home. If something really bad happened the kids could ring me and I could come home. But I will soooo not want to grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr a aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhh


gah I am so stirred up at the moment, I think I need to go meditate. I feel like I'm in an impossible situation. Torn between doing what is seen as 'the right thing' and doing something for myself.