Beware - Poison Below

I have to get this out of my head, hopefully that will stop my body from reacting so strongly.

I had long suspected, from before he said he wanted to end the relationship.

No wonder he didn't want to try improve things between us - it would seem he had found other pastures he wanted to explore :(

Again it is someone I know that has been chosen over me. This time it is a someone he would likely not have met if not for me.


I am having that shaking all over thing again. Is it because I am so devastated to find out that what I suspected is true? Is it because I am so angry that he had been hiding this from me - was deceitful (I thought I'd suffered my life's time worth of deceit 6 years ago, or however long ago it was). Is it because I am feeling very negative emotions towards him that I don't want to feel?

I am gutted. At the moment I really feel like shit. It seems there will always be someone better, more interesting, better connected, younger, smarter, more available, more fun than me. That 'me' is just not good enough. I really dislike that I am feeling this way :( it is against the things I have really been trying to achieve over the last month with the books I've been reading and course I've been on.

Feel like just crawling under the nearest rock and not coming out until I don't know when :(

At the moment I feel like saying FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFKKKKKKKK relationships, FFFFFFFFFFFFKKKKKKKKKK men.

I hope one day I can feel happy for him, but that's not today :( and I think that's part of what is upsetting me the most :(



And tomorrow I have to get up and go to work and do life.


So much for progress :(